5 Life Languages (TM) – Introduction

Human beings of every tribe, tongue, and nation have found ways of communicating between themselves for centuries.  A quick internet search I did today showed that there are currently 7,139 languages spoken in the world, with English being the most common.

Although we as human beings have mastered the art of speaking to one another, we still tragically struggle in how to effectively communicate with each other.  Speaking leads to hearing, whereas communicating leads to understanding.  And if we’re honest, the world we live in could benefit from better communication at all levels.

You’ve probably heard yourself (or someone else) say, “It’s as if we’re speaking two different languages.”  This may be the case in your marriage, in parenting relationships, with co-workers, or just in life.  If both people are speaking the same spoken language, then what is keeping them from actually communicating?  Communication is most effective when we understand the language the other person receives most favorably.

Good communicationThe Three Longings of Man

The Bible tells us that God created man and woman in His image, most notably being one person comprised of three interdependent natures: our search for SIGNIFICANCE, COMPETENCE, and BELONGING.   A core “need” exists intrinsically within each of these, and is essential to the well-being of the person’s soul.  Experiencing inner peace and relational harmony in life is dependent upon these needs being appreciated.  When grossly unfulfilled, the individual will experience turmoil within and lack of connectedness with others.

The Longing for SIGNIFICANCE

Our search for significance most notable lies in how we perceive our being accepted and included with others.  This comes in many forms, including being part of others, being heard by others, being seen by others, being wanted by others, and being sufficient for others, just to name a few.

The Longing for COMPETENT

Every human being has a need to know that they are good at something.  This is the need for Competence.  This includes decision making, carrying out responsibilities, performing tasks, plus the countless variations of these that human beings use in measuring human competence.  This list includes things such as perfectionistic, controlling, independent, successful, procrastinator, stubborn, and so on.

The Longing for BELONGING

God created every human being to be in intimate relationship with Him.  The desire to belong is hard-wired into each of us, giving us a hunger for oneness with God.  But as fallen people, we seek to satisfy this need on a human level.  To belong is to matter… to someone.  To be loved, liked, praised, appreciated, secured, and a million more emotions of affection.  When we truly feel that we belong somewhere with someone (or a group of someones), we experience wholeness in our soul.

The Five Life Languages of the Soul

A lack of or breakdown in communication between people indicates that the individual’s life language is not being sufficiently communicated.  In this state, the individual typically experiences intra- and/or inter-personal conflict.

The combination of Life Languages each of us were created with are entirely inborn and God-given.  Not genetic.  Not learned.  Not chosen.

The Language of Being ENOUGH

A person with this Life Language has an essential need to appear competent.

The Language of Being RESPECTED

A person with this Life Language has an essential need to be in control or under control.

The Language of Being PRIZED

A person with this Life Language has an essential need to be approved of and validated.

The Language of Being INCLUDED

A person with this Life Language has an essential need to be accepted.

The Language of Being UNDERSTOOD

A person with this Life Language has an essential need for others to understand their uniqueness.

Putting It All Together

The 5 Life Languages is an entirely new and innovative concept, birth out of my extensive experience as an NCCA Licensed Christian Counselor and Certified Temperament Counselor.  My intention is to communicate these powerful concepts in a universally acceptable way, without creating distinctions among people groups.

In my next 5 blog posts I will be explaining in detail the uniqueness of each of the 5 Life Languages, and how to begin communicating in this way.  The matrix below provides the very basic view of how to communicate with the 5 Life Languages.  To become a better, more effective communicator, align your thoughts and words to the suggestions in gray.

Obviously it’s difficult to know for sure what Life Language an individual most needs to hear.  But as we spend time getting to know more about a person, it will become more apparent which Life Languages are most essential to them.

Life Language chart 1.1













Life Training Christian Counseling offers an online, multiple choice questionnaire that quickly and accurately identifies the Life Languages that best satisfy their three Longings.  Contact us today to begin the exciting adventure of learning to communicate with an innovative, never-before spoken language.


Soul health and spiritual maturity cannot be separated.  Our counselors are ordained Christian ministers as well as certified and licensed Christian counselors.  We are able to help you experience freedom from shame, anxiety, depression, or marriage / relationship conflict with methods that are purely Christ-centered.  Please click on this link to learn much more about how our CHRISTIAN COUNSELING can help you become a more authentic follower of Christ, and help you find freedom from identity dependence.

Life Training offers convenient sessions at our office in Louisville, Kentucky, as well as online counseling via Zoom or FaceTime.  Our non-profit counseling practice has an outstanding track record for over a decade helping men and women, individuals and couples who are ready to move beyond anxiety, depression, and conflicts in marriage or other relationships find hope and healing in their lives.  Contact us today at 502-717-5433, or by email at drdave@lifetrainingcounseling.org