Correct lens changes perspective

Jesus Is The Only Accurate Lens

“Without complete honesty and vulnerability, unresolved shame can become a barrier to God turning our broken pieces into masterpieces.”  Dr. Dave Ralston  Toxic Shaming:  An American Icon I’ve had the wonderful opportunity to meet numerous high-profile people throughout my life – professional athletes, celebrities, dignitaries, and government leaders – Ronald Reagan, Jalen Rose, Michael W. […]

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Man walking on water

Too Good To Be True

Overcompensating is the only way we know how to effectively re-enter life – by creating a façade of what we believe to be acceptable, in hopes of safeguarding our inner brokenness.  In constructing the façade, however, the shame messages within us cause us to go overboard, thinking we can will ourselves to be whole – […]

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Woman hiding face with arm

Hiding In Plain Sight

Concealment I’m guessing that the words “concealment” and “secrecy” might be listed as synonyms if you were to search them online.  For the purpose of describing the shame cycle though, I see them as not quite the same.  Secrecy, which we discussed in great detail a few pages back, has to do with hiding ourselves: […]

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Man at top of stairs looking out

I Am What I Am. I Cannot Change.

Shame that is a product of our acting out (I’ll refer to this as “post-shame”) is somewhat different than shame that was the precursor to our acting out (I’ll refer to this as “pre-shame”), although both weeds share the same roots. As we looked at in detail already, pre-shame leads to discomfort that we feel […]

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Man viewing porn on laptop

Can’t Say No To Yourself

The Bible tells us that each of us is made by God as a composite of three distinct components: “Now may the God of peace make you holy in every way and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless until our Lord Jesus Christ comes again” (1 Thessalonians 5:23 NLT). In […]

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No one will know

No One Will Know

Shame has a deceptive way of convincing us that we need to hide ourselves from the outside world – at all cost – much like the way Adam and Eve hid themselves from God.  We go to great lengths to protect our secrets.  At its worst, shame will lead us to sacrifice good things in […]

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1 Corinthians 10_13

Flee From Sin

1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV): “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” We must look deeper into the […]

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Am I worthless?

The Cycle Of Shame – Part 2

Toxic Shame False beliefs tend to activate the shame messages internalized from our past.  From that irrational yet familiar place, we begin to relive the “old tapes” that have played over and over in our minds more times than we care to admit: I’m fat I’m ugly I’m unlovable I’m worthless I’m stupid I’m unacceptable […]

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Perception vs reality

The Cycle Of Shame

The more deeply shame-based an individual is, the harder it becomes to break the cycle of shame.  In many instances, this cycle has become a “normal” part of life.  But for others, this seemingly endless battle devolves into what seems more like a shame “spiral,” where toxic shame leads to even more shame, and the […]

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All in the same boat

We’re All In The Same Boat

“All compulsivity is a consequence of unresolved toxic shame within us.”  John Bradshaw Adding to Our Own Shame I wish I had come up with this quote: “The definition of insanity is doing the very same thing over and over and expecting a different result.”  Why do we do that?  What is it within us […]

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