Does Toxic Shame Have An Opposite?

Common sense might say that if we just do the opposite of the shaming we witnessed in childhood it will produce a healthy life, marriage, children, and family.  The flaw in this reasoning is that, without of a person’s heart being regenerated through Christ, the opposite of shame-based is not self-worth, but rather pretentiousness (covering […]

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Shaming Is Often Very Overt

I’ve devoted much of my recent writing to helping you understand the more subtle – even “unintentional” – ways that shaming occurs.  I would be remiss, though, to not commit space in my writings to address the more obvious forms of shaming.  I wrote my blogs for the person who has been overtly shamed through […]

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Shame’s Insidious Effects

Shame is internalized more than it is learned.  It evolves from a chronically unmet need, into a false belief, into an altered self-image.  This will develop in uniquely different ways in the lives of individuals who have been exposed to the very same environment.  For some, it may create internalized shame that is acted out […]

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Shame Robs Our Inborn Identity

I’m going to make the assumption that most people who are reading this have at least heard, if not studied, the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, recorded at the beginning of the Bible.  They enjoyed a wonderful, intimate connection with God.  That was until they made a choice. God extended […]

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Shame Has Two Sides

Allow me to share one of the most meaningful quotes I’ve ever heard: “We teach what we know, but we reproduce who we are.”  I teach this principle in my counseling practice nearly every day.  I’ve tried to engrain it into my adult children ever since the day I first heard it.  I strive to […]

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