Healthy soil

Healthy Soil

Everything Begins in The Heart All of our beliefs, thoughts, emotions, and behaviors originate from our hearts.  In his book, The Search for Significance, Robert McGee describes this internal hierarchy “hardwired” within each of us.  I’ve taken the liberty to add elements to it, while being careful not to compromise the author’s original intentions. anxiety […]

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It is well not with my soul

It Cost Our Society It’s Collective Soul

Prior to the twentieth century, adults demanded strict adherence to a very stringent code of behavior and conduct – privately and publicly – for both themselves and their children.  Despite many of their techniques appearing harsh and primitive by today’s standards, history appears to show that the effects of these methods were not as emotionally […]

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Woman hiding face with arm

Hiding In Plain Sight

Concealment I’m guessing that the words “concealment” and “secrecy” might be listed as synonyms if you were to search them online.  For the purpose of describing the shame cycle though, I see them as not quite the same.  Secrecy, which we discussed in great detail a few pages back, has to do with hiding ourselves: […]

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Am I worthless?

The Cycle Of Shame – Part 2

Toxic Shame False beliefs tend to activate the shame messages internalized from our past.  From that irrational yet familiar place, we begin to relive the “old tapes” that have played over and over in our minds more times than we care to admit: I’m fat I’m ugly I’m unlovable I’m worthless I’m stupid I’m unacceptable […]

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Young man feeling shame

Subtle Shame Messages

Toxic shame is experientially acquired more than it is cognitively learned.  It evolves from an unmet need, into a chronically unmet need, into a false belief, into an altered self-image.  This will develop in uniquely different ways in the lives of individuals who have been exposed to the very same environment.  For some, it may […]

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Iceberg subconscious mind

Children’s Perceptions Are Their Reality

False Beliefs Our conscious mind generates our conscious choices.  Our subconscious mind generates our subconscious choices. Much of what comprises our conscious mind is information we have accumulated, in one way or another, over the course of our lifetime.  This is a myriad of information that allows us to make decisions throughout each day; from […]

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The Cleaver family

What Defines A “Good” Kid?

The Price Of Perfection Early in my counseling career I had the opportunity to work with a young woman in her late 20’s.  She sought counseling due to feelings of depression, low self-esteem, and the belief that she was inadequate as a woman, wife, and mother.  She felt like giving up on all of it. […]

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Toxic Shame Creates False Beliefs

In The Beginning I’m going to make the assumption that most people who are reading this book have at least heard, if not studied, the story of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, recorded in the first chapter of Genesis at the beginning of the Bible.  They enjoyed a wonderful, intimate connection with […]

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21st Century Codependence

Trustworthy Definitions Here is Stephanie Tucker’s basic explanation of codependence extracted from her workbook: Historically, the term codependency or codependence was used to refer to the significant other of an active alcoholic.  That’s because it became apparent that just as the alcoholic suffered from distinct symptoms, the dependent family members also shared in a unique […]

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