Heart Hunger

Heart Hunger

Temperament Needs We do not always recognize or acknowledge that our heart cries out for fellowship with God.  Drs. Arno refer to this desire as “heart hunger,” which often drives us into the things of the world in hopes of satisfying the longing within us.  Our hunger for God will drive us, in our ignorance,…

The Cycle Of Shame

The Cycle Of Shame

The more deeply shame-based an individual is, the harder it becomes to break the cycle of shame.  In many instances, this cycle has become a “normal” part of life.  But for others, this seemingly endless battle devolves into what seems more like a shame “spiral,” where toxic shame leads to even more shame, and the…

The Great Cover-Up

The Great Cover-Up

A Family Culture of Shame There is a significant difference between not aware and not responsible.  Many adults whom I talk to about them perpetuating generational shame assert that there is no way they could know they had shamed their child in these ways because they did “the best they could.”  Really?  By simply duplicating…

Four False Beliefs

Four False Beliefs

Shame Shame that is a product of our acting out (I’ll refer to this as “post-shame”) is somewhat different than shame that was the precursor to our acting out (I’ll refer to this as “pre-shame”), although both weeds share the same roots. As we looked at in detail already, pre-shame leads to discomfort that we…

Productive Shame Teaches Finiteness

Long before the internet and MP3s were ever even thought of, “A-side” and “B-side” were terms frequently used to refer to the two sides of a phonograph record.  The A-side usually featured a song that its artist, producer, or record company focused their promotions toward in hopes of it becoming a hit record.  The B-side (or “flipside”) was…

Identity Dependence

Identity Dependent:  The New Twenty-First Century Codependent While codependent relationships may seem complicated, the root cause – as well as the reason behind its evolution – is actually simpler than one might think.  Put simply, codependency is when a person’s self-worth is dependent on something external to themselves that is not emotionally healthy or beneficial,…