Dealing With Generational Shame
We live in a very imperfect world inhabited by very imperfect people — ourselves included. A reality of this world is that we tend to repeat the same cycles and dysfunctions of those who came before us. Further, we duplicate these patterns into the souls of the next generation asa they do life with us and observe our words, actions, and decision.
“You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, punishing the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing love to a thousand generations of those who love me and keep my commandments”
DEUTERONOMY 5:9-10 NIV
It seems there are only two divergent paths from one generation to the next:
- Duplicate the sin, shame, and disobedience of God into our children.
- Deny that tendency and submit ourselves to the commandments and teachings of God’s word.
Every person must make this decision for themselves
Even an unchurched, unsaved individual can differentiate the things that would be good to pass down to their children from those that would actually disadvantage them. Merely examining the toxic, painful, or costly characteristics handed down to them should paint a pretty clear picture of what a person SHOULD NOT duplicate in the lives of their offspring.
Despite this, many of us are entangled in a multi-generational pattern of sin, shame, and false beliefs. Here are a few tools to help you break free of these. Make note though, it is a marathon not a sprint. There is no quick fix.
- Examine and identify the sin and shame in your life
- Confess it to God from your heart
- Sit with the feelings of uneasiness for a moment
- Meditate on affirming scriptures such as this
- “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9 NIV)
- Let the reality of God’s forgiveness soak in your soul for a few moments
- Receive that forgiveness in your heart
- Move forward in freedom. Your guilt and shame are gone.
Examine the sin in your own life, both in your attitudes and your actions
To be set free from the generational sin and shame that has become part of your life, you must put a stake in the ground and say “it stops here!” And the way we God has provided us to halt the generational progression is for someone to own it, turn from it, and allow God to heal them
“Examine yourselves to see whether you are in the faith; test yourselves. Or do you not realize that if Jesus Christ is in you—as indeed he is—unless you fail to meet the test?”
2 CORINTHIANS 13:5
Confess the exact nature of your sins to God from your heart
Confession is a humble, heartfelt conversation with Jesus. He already knows. And He has already forgiven you. Confession of your sin is a critical part of the journey of dying to self, making room for something new to come.
“Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.”
JOHN 12:24 NIV
Repent of your sin and shame before God and experience His forgiveness
Merely identifying the sin and shame in your life brings nothing but more shame upon you. We identify the dirtiness within us in order to surrender it to Christ at the altar of our heart. Here is a pattern that I use in my own retentive journey with Jesus. If you’ve not already established a rhythm of repentance in your life, you may want to start with this.7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace
“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace”
EPHESIANS 1:7 NIV
Move forward in freedom from the guilt and shame of sin
The blood of Christ shed on the cross not only covers your sin. It also covers the sin and shame that you were taken captive by. Abuse, abandonment, rejection, shame. Trust that the blood of Jesus Christ is sufficient to make you white as snow.
GALATIANS 5:13 NIV
“For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.”
Sometimes it takes someone who’s a few steps ahead of you on the pat to really grasp these important concepts. Christian counseling is the ideal setting to vulnerably examine your sin and shame, and move toward the promise of forgiveness and healing found only in Jesus. Life Training Christian Counseling has extensive experience and expertise in this very type of work. Consider reaching out to them for help today.