Facing Toxic Shame In Our Lives
Despite our circumstances, we need to always remember that our worth is secure in Him. We need to be honest about the pain, the anger, the disappointment, and the loneliness of our past. We need to put ourselves in relationships that will encourage us to feel what we may have suppressed for many years. This will enable us to begin (or continue) to experience hope and, eventually, healing.
Change Is possible, but it is a process!
Some may have difficulty relinquishing what is familiar (although painful) for what is unfamiliar because our fear of the unknown often seems stronger than the paid of a poor self-concept. It seems right to hang on. Proverbs 16:25 says, “There is a way which seems right to a man, but its end is the way to death.” Any change in our behavior requires a release from our old self-concept, which is often founded in failure and the expectations of others. We need to learn how to relate to ourselves in a new way. To accomplish this, we must begin to base our self-worth on God’s opinion of us and trust in His Spirit to accomplish change in our lives. Only then can we overcome satan’s deception that holds power over our self-perception and behavior.
The Effects of Shame
Many of us suffer from the devastating effects of shame. Shame often engulfs us when a flaw in performance is so important, so overpowering, or so disappointing to us taht it creates a permanently negative opinion about our self-worth. Others may not know of our failure, but we do. We may only imagine their rejection, but real or imagined, the pain resulting from it cripples our confidence and hope.
Shame usually results in guilt and self-deprecation, but it can also lead us to search for God and his answers. Our inner, undeniable need for personal significance was created to make us search for Him. He alone can fulfill our deep need. In Him, we find peace, acceptance, and love.
Through Him, we find the courage and power to develop into the men and women He intends us to be. Although satan wants to convince us that we will always be prisoners of our failures and past experiences, by God’s grace we can be freed from the guilt of our past and experience a renewed purpose for our lives.
Problems Associated With Shame
Shame can have powerful effects on our self-esteem, and it can manifest itself in many ways. In my next posting I will examine in detail the most common problems that are associated with toxic shame in our lives.
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