Negative Self-Talk Becomes Negative Self-Worth
The way you talk about things says a lot about how you think and feel. And if you’re constantly saying things that reinforce helplessness, fear, or low self-worth, it’s no surprise that you might feel stuck, discouraged, or even depressed
Many of the statements people employ in their negative self-talk stem from the unmet needs of their inborn temperament. If your needs have been ignored, rejected, or treated by others as unimportant, your chronic negative statements will snowball into low self-worth and false beliefs about who you are.
Five Common False Beliefs
Here are the five common false beliefs that align with each pure temperament type.
“I’m just not good enough”
The cry of the individual with the Melancholy temperament is the belief that they are not enough. Not good enough. Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not sexual enough. Not talented enough. Just not enough. This stems from the belief that they must appear competent at everything they say and do in order to have worth and to be accepted.
“Enoughness” is not found in what you do or say or fail to do or say. For the individual who has placed his or her faith and trust in Jesus Christ, you’re enough because He says you are. And because you are his and ihe is yours, you are enough.
“Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God”
2 Corinthians 3:5
“I’m a failure”
For the individual with the Choleric temperament, failure is not an option. Think of it this way The greatest need of the Choleric is to have mastery or control over whatever their situation. The natural outcome of having control would logically be that you have control over the outcome or end result. But what if that’s not possible or doesn’t happen? For a person with this temperament, either they contorl the outcome or they failure. And chronic “failure” in the mind of this person eventually becomes their identity. They move from “I failed” to “I’m a failure.”
Scripture tells us over and over that every human being has failed and will fail. No one is righteous in and of ourselves. But we’re not a failure unless we refuse to seek God’s forgiveness and find the freedom from our earthly failures.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness”
1 John 1:9
“No one likes me”
The greatest inborn need of an individual with the Sanguine temperament is to be approved of by others. This is the predominant temperament God placed in me. I know this sounds crazy, but I was probably in my 40s before I finally came to grips with the reality that not everyone is going to like me. Oh my! Talk about bursting my bubble.
Similar to the Melancholy struggle with the question “am I enough,” the Sanguine searches for messages in their lives that affirm that they are approved of. Two critical problems with this: 1) approval is very circumstantial and will come and go with the wind, and 2) man’s approval only provides a good feeling that is not long-lasting, but only lasts a moment. Then you need to have that cup filled again.
God’s word makes it very clear that we cannot live for man’s approval and God’s approval at the same time. We must let go of one. This is the scripture that ultimately moved me toward freedom from the approval of man that I might rest in the unconditional, unburdensome approval of my heavenly Father.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10
“I’m unacceptable”
The deepest inborn need God placed within those with the Supine temperament is the need to be invited, included, and accepted. Beginning in childhood, this child will often begin to pick up on messages that, in their mind, are saying, “you’re not acceptable.” Whether true or not, a child internalizes countless of these messages until they have bottled up more disappointment, rejection, and abandonment than they can bear. This then leads to fear, worry, and anxiety in many, if not most, of the areas of their lives.
“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful; I know that full well.”
Psalm 139:13-14
“I’m different than everybody else”
Individuals who have the pure Phlegmatic temperament often feel like outsiders — observers of their own life circumstances. They can see everything that needs to be corrected, initiated, righted, addressed, and so on. They just lack the emotional, mental, motivational, energy to take the initiative. This causes others (who don’t have this temperament) to see them as quirky, eccentric, odd, and basically any other descriptive word that could case the Phlegmatic to feel separate.
Yes, God did make the Phlegmatics different. But He didn’t make a mistake in how He created them, no more than the beauty of how He created the other four temperament types. Individuals with this temperament must remain engaged in their own life circumstances, relationships, and uncomfortable matters. To accomplish this, you must prioritize engagement over “energy” management.
Ephesians 2:10
“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“
Let us introduce you to yourself
All of the counselors at Life Training Christian Counseling are Certified Temperament Counselors through the National Christian Counselors Association. They are fully equipped to administer the exclusive Arno Profile System assessment, and to walk through the details with you as you learn wonderful things about the unique inborn, God-given temperament you’ve been blessed with.