We Can All Be Selfish At Times
Everyone has the capacity for selfishness. It’s part of our human nature. Recognizing its patterns in ourselves and others can lead us towards healthier relationships and a deeper understanding of ourselves. We are all made with uniquely different combinations of temperaments and life experiences. Nonetheless, every human can fall prey to selfishness and self-focus, yet for a myriad of different reasons.
The. motive behind learning to identify selfishness — in others and within ourselves — is not to judge, but to help us navigate our relationship with them more effectively, and to become aware of our own “blind spots.” Depending on the nature of our relationship with a selfish individual, it may or may not be appropriate or beneficial to tell them how you perceive these patterns. That is a matter of prayer, asking God to give you discernment and grace.
Christian counseling provides an environment for an individual or couple to process the selfishness in their own lives or in their relationships.
10 common characteristics of a selfish person
1. They often put their needs first
Functioning in a diverse society, the capacity to prioritize oneself is not inherently wrong. However, individuals who are deeply selfish usually take this to an extreme. They have a tendency to consistently put their needs, desires, and ambitions first, often at the expense of others.
2. They are often not empathetic
Empathy — the ability to understand and share the feelings of others — is a trait that deeply selfish individuals often struggle with. If you notice someone consistently struggling to empathize with others, it could be a sign that they’re more self-involved than they may appear.
3. They frequently use the pronoun “I” in their conversations
Communication is a powerful tool for understanding human behavior. Research suggests that the frequency with which individuals use the first-person singular pronouns – I, me, and my – can provide clues about their level of self-focus. Deeply selfish individuals are more likely to focus on their own thoughts, feelings, and experiences, rather than considering those of others.
4. They don’t typically offer help unless it’s to their advantage
We all appreciate a helping hand, especially when times are tough. But for deeply selfish individuals, the grace of helping is often tied to personal gain. These individuals are more likely to offer assistance if there’s a clear benefit for them – be it tangible rewards, recognition, or the possibility of a returned favor.
5. They tend to see things through the lens of a “victim”
Selfish individuals have a knack for turning situations around to make themselves appear as the victim rather than the perpetrator. This behavior allows them to justify their self-centered actions and avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes. Instead of acknowledging their role in a conflict or a problem, they’re more likely to blame others or attribute it to external circumstances. It’s not uncommon that the other individual might feel that “everything is my fault,” or begin to experience decline in their self-worth and confidence. It’s important that they seek the godly counselor of a Christian counselor or pastor to help them find validation of who they are and to reaffirm their perspectives and value.
6. They find it hard to compliment others
A genuine compliment has the power to lift spirits, strengthen bonds, and spread positivity. However, deeply selfish individuals often struggle with this. They may find it hard to genuinely compliment others unless it serves a purpose for them. The spotlight always has to be on them, and acknowledging someone else’s success or talent can feel like it’s diverting the atention away from them.
7. They are reluctant to celebrate other people’s success
Success is a joyful event, one that’s typically shared with and celebrated by those around us. However, for deeply selfish individuals, this can be a challenge because they see it as a threat to their own self-worth or status. They typically view success as a competition – if someone else wins then they lose. And losing is unacceptable.
8. They draw people in by their charm
When you think of a deeply selfish person, ‘charming’ might not be the first word that comes to mind. But surprisingly, it’s a trait often found in such individuals. They have a knack for making themselves likable and appealing. They might shower you with attention, flattery, or compliments, making you feel special and valued. You might even find yourself drawn to their charm and confidence.
9. They don’t often admit they’re wrong
Admitting our mistakes requires humility, self-awareness, and the willingness to be vulnerable, and is a sign of emotional maturity and respect for others. However, for deeply selfish individuals, this can be seen as a sign of weakness. These individuals often have trouble acknowledging their errors or apologizing sincerely. Instead, they might deflect blame, make excuses, or even become defensive.
10. They can’t sustain meaningful relationships
One of the most telling signs of deep selfishness is the state of the person’s relationships. Selfish individuals often struggle to maintain long-term, meaningful relationships. Relationships require mutual respect, understanding, and compromise. But for deeply selfish individuals, these elements can be challenging, as they tend to prioritize their own needs and desires over those of others.