Thumbs up approval

You’re Approved Of

The statement “You are highly valued” communicates to some individuals that they are loved and approved of.

Even If Assured They’re Highly Valued, They Still Have Difficulty Believing They Are Loved Or Approved Of

if you have difficulty comprehending how this statement could be so important to someone, then it’s apparent that you don’t have this particular temperament type.  Often when we don’t share a similar type with someone, it’s very difficult for us to understand how or why they could act or react so adversely to something that we might have acted or reacted to much less negatively.

In essence, the essential need of their temperament was not satisfied because they did not feel or believe that they were loved or approved of.  Follow along with me as I unpack this:

Those parts of this individual’s nature that are exposed when their essential need to be loved and approved of is not satisfied might include:

  • Overly talkative
  • Like to be the center of conversation
  • Impulsive
  • Undisciplined
  • Needs to appear successful
  • Sometimes will exaggerate their success
  • Ignore responsibilities in order to be with people
  • Feels punished when not accepted, whether for good or bad reasons
  • May undertake bad attitudes or behaviors to gain attention, as attention feels like a reward
  • Can be rude and uncaring
  • May walk away if becomes disinterested
  • Sometimes not faithful or loyal to others
  • Since they live only in the present, they don’t learn from their mistakes
  • Prone to exaggerate in hopes of gaining approval or avoiding disapproval
  • May lie without realizing
  • Act and talk before they think
  • Spend money while ignoring budget or future
  • Apologies are often short lived, and may be used to manipulate others to meet their need for or to restore approval
  • Lack organization

To condense all of that into a simpler understanding of an individual with this temperament, they have four primary inner battles related to their one essential need:

Thumbs up approvalEssential Need:  They Can’t Not Be Approved Of

  1. They need to feel that they are the center of someone’s attention.
  2. They need to not be alone, and if they are, they need to have external means of feeling like they are with people
  3. They need to perform tasks quickly so they can return to being with people again
  4. They need to frequently be assured that they are loved and/or approved of

When interacting with an individual with this temperament type, it is important to choose our words and actions wisely so as to not send the message that we don’t approve of them or what they had said or done.  Here are some examples of ways others might communicate with this individual that will probably result in them responding in an adverse way:

  • “You always seem so needy.”
  • “You’re so superficial I’m not sure I can trust you.”
  • “I thought I was your best friend.”
  • “You shut down any time someone disagrees with you or corrects you.”

Something to ponder.  In my next posting I will take a look at the fourth temperament type, with the essential need:  “You are included.”  This phrase communicates to this individual that they are wanted.


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