You’re Invited

The statement “You are invited” communicates to some individuals that they are wanted and included.

Even If Assured They’re Invited, They Still Have Difficulty Believing They Are Included and Wanted

if you have difficulty comprehending how this statement could be so important to someone, then it’s apparent that you don’t have this particular temperament type.  Often when we don’t share a similar type with someone, it’s very difficult for us to understand how or why they could act or react so adversely to something that we might have acted or reacted to much less negatively.

In essence, the essential need of their temperament was not satisfied because they did not feel or believe that they were loved or approved of.  Follow along with me as I unpack this:

Those parts of this individual’s nature that are exposed when their essential need to be loved and approved of is not satisfied might include:

• Cannot independently make decisions nor take on responsibilities
• Becomes anxious if forced to do so
• Becomes angry if credit due them is given to someone else
• Feels inadequate and worthless
• Fearful of making a wrong decision that might lead to being left alone or having to take care of themselves
• Becomes very angry if not asked their opinion on a decision that involves them
• Harbors anger due to not being included in the decision-making process
• Difficulty saying “no” to others
• Do many things they do not want to do for people, then feel anxious, angry, and used
• Constantly searches for someone to take care of them
• Lacks self-confidence and strength to make decisions and take charge of their own lives
• May vent their anger both verbally and physically (more pronounced in men)
• Dominates through their words and actions as means of manipulating others into taking care of them
• Tends to not fight back, then turns on those who have dominated them
• Defensive against loss of position
• Weak willpower
• Tendency to feel powerless and at the mercy of others

Essential Need:  They Can’t Not Be Invited

To condense all of that into a simpler understanding of an individual with this temperament, they have four primary inner battles related to their one essential need:

1. They need to be led and cared for in ways that feel “safe”
2. They need to be accepted, included, and wanted
3. They need clearly defined rules and expectations
4. They need for others to be kind and considerate

When interacting with an individual with this temperament type, it is important to be intentional about inviting them into conversations, including them in decisions, and accepting them for being the way they are.

Here are some examples of ways others might communicate with this individual that will probably result in them responding in an adverse way:

• “You always do that the wrong way.”
• “it was your fault.”
• “You like to play the victim role.”
• “I don’t want your opinion.”

Something to ponder.  In my next posting I will take a look at the fifth temperament type, with the essential need:  “You are understood.”  This phrase communicates to this individual that they are considered.

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