I am in control

You’re Respected

The statement “You are the leader” communicates to some individuals that their leadership is respected.

Even If Assured They’re Respected, They Still Have Difficulty Letting Go Of Control

if you have difficulty comprehending how this statement could be so important to someone, then it’s apparent that you don’t have this particular temperament type.  Often when we don’t share a similar type with someone, it’s very difficult for us to understand how or why they could act or react so adversely to something that we might have acted or reacted to much less negatively.

In essence, the essential need of their temperament was not satisfied because they were not succeeding at being in control.  Follow along with me as I unpack this:

Those parts of this individual’s nature that are exposed when their essential need to succeed and be in control is not satisfied might include:

  • People user
  • Can walk over people
  • Uses social connections as a means of reaching their goals
  • Can appear arrogant
  • Cruel, abusive temper;
  • Uses their intellect as a weapon
  • ignore pitfalls in their plans and goals
  • Question other people’s means and methods
  • Must know the “best” way
  • Angry if accomplishments aren’t recognized
  • Capable of undertaking any behavior necessary in order to control outcomes
  • End justifies the means
  • Tolerate almost no interference from others
  • Seldom trusts others with projects
  • Believes no one can do it as well as them
  • Often experiences burnout
  • Desires no input or control from others
  • Leads by domination
  • Puts down and discourages others
  • Loses respect for and holds in contempt those they perceive as weak
  • Treats weak people cruelly
  • Avoids people they cannot control

To condense all of that into a simpler understanding of an individual with this temperament, they have four primary inner battles related to their one essential need:

I am in controlEssential Need:  They Can’t Not Be In Control

  1. They justify control by the determination that a particular outcome is necessary in order for them to succeed.
  2. They are committed to the belief that, if they cannot or do not exert control to bring about a particular outcome, then they have failed and are therefore a failure.
  3. Who and/or what they exert control upon is dependent upon which aspect of their nature they have this temperament – expectations, tasks, goals, relationships, and so on.
  4. They tend to turn everything in their life into a goal to be achieved or a competition to be won.  Second place is unacceptable.

When interacting with an individual with this temperament type, it is important to choose our words and actions wisely so as to not send the message that we don’t perceive them as capable and in control (the lead). Here are some examples of ways others might communicate with this individual that will probably result in them responding in an adverse way:

  • “Here’s a suggestion of how to do that better.”
  • “You’re not going to win.”
  • “I question your authority.”
  • “Who put you in charge?”

Something to ponder.  In my next posting I will take a look at the third temperament type, with the essential need:  “You are highly valued.”  This phrase communicates to this individual that they are fully approved of.


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