Boundaries Are Critical To Your Well-being
I believe there are certain things in life that we simply don’t owe anyone an explanation for or need their approval to do..We are not obligated to allow others to take our personal power from us. Yet, we often find ourselves caught in the trap of feeling like we need to justify our choices or actions. Or further, we compromise on these in an effort to please others or not appear selfish or different. Setting healthy, personal boundaries is not about being secretive or living like a hermit. No, it is about understanding your own boundaries, honoring your personal needs, and asking others to asking others to respect these as well.
Here are a few areas where I personally seek to establish and enforce healthy boundaries in my own life. Maybe they’ll be as beneficial to you as they have been to me..
Your physical, emotional, and spiritual space
Maintaining personal boundaries is crucial to your emotional and spiritual health. You may find yourself in situations where people overstep or disregard your boundaries. It can be a friend who constantly borrows your things without asking, a co-worker who dumps their work on you, or even a family member who feels entitled to your time and energy. Establishing and enforcing personal boundaries is a sign of self-respect and emotional maturity. But more often than not, we end up justifying our boundaries to the people around us, feeling obligated to offer lengthy, wordy explanations. When you choose to live with clearly defined boundaries, it’s not that you’re pushing people away. You are actually understanding the importance of your own space and peace of mind. And it’s absolutely okay to preserve and protect that, regardless of how others may respond.
Your choices of how you take care of yourself
The second thing you don’t owe an explanation for is your self-care. For example, in our fast-paced world, we’re often pressured to maintain a constant state of busy-ness, always with a goal in mind. Taking time out for self-care can sometimes be seen by some to be laziness or selfishness. So, you then feel compelled to justify your need for rest, relaxation, and life-balance, as if it were up to them to approve of it. Whether it’s worshiping, reading, going for a walk, or simply sitting quietly with the Lord, these practices are essential to your well-being. Don’t allow anyone to take them from you.
“Taking care of yourself is not a betrayal of others, but a commitment to what you value most.”
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Your faith, beliefs, and values
We all have our own faith journey and set of beliefs and values that guide our actions and decisions. Faith, marriage, family, health, and more. Except in the situation of Christian marriage, you have the freedom to make these decisions for yourself without being expected to consider the input of others. Even then, it is appropriate to identify and communicate those to your spouse as you build a stronger, more unified marriage. Aside from that, it seems like there are some people who don’t seem to understand or agree with your viewpoints. And that’s okay. Let your actions and the way you live your life be a testament to the reality of your faith and beliefs.
Your desire for time alone
We live and work in a society that is constantly connected and always on the go. Choosing solitude can often be incorrectly viewed as anti-social behavior or selfishness. However, solitude is an essential aspect of self-examination, confession, and emotional spiritual growth. This means that it’s okay to turn down an invitation or choose to stay in on a Friday night if you know that’s best for you.
Your decision to say “no”
In an effort to be accommodating and avoid conflict, we often find ourselves saying yes when we really mean no. But constantly pleasing others at the expense of our own well-being can lead to stress and resentment. Traditionally referred to as “codependence,” we now call this “identity dependence,” as you feel that you are only “enough” when others are happy, pleased with you, and not going to reject or abandon you. Saying no is about respecting your own time and priorities. It’s not about being rude or unkind, but about recognizing and honoring what you know is best for you.
Your work and career choices
You have your own paths to follow and your own dreams to chase after. Whether you decide to take a non-traditional job, start your own business, switch careers, or take some time off, these are your decisions to make. These are a part of your personal journey and reflect your personality, passions, interests, and ambitions.
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I… I took the one less traveled. And that has made all the difference.”
robert frost
Your emotions
Our emotions are a natural response to your thoughts, perceptions, and experiences. They are deeply personal and unique to each one of us. It’s important to express your emotions in a manner that is healthy and beneficial to you, albeit crying, exercising, talking, praying, writing, exercising, or whatever outlet you choose. To not “express” your emotions is to “repress” them. Repressed emotions over time ferment into false beliefs, shame, and emotional issues. No matter what you were taught or modeled as a child, remember, it is okay to feel what you feel, without concern for the need to justify it. They are a part of you and your encounter with life. It is totally acceptable (and healthy) to simply feel and accept them as they are.
Your inner peace and joy
Peace and joy are not externally-influenced emotions, but characteristics of a person yielded to the Holy Spirit. In God’s word, we are told of the nine “fruit of the spirit.”
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
Galatians 5:22-23 NIV
Against such things there is no law”
Many people allow their joy and peace to be stolen by other people or by circumstances in their lives. You have a choice whether to give that power away, or to hold onto the pearls that God has placed in you as a follower of Jesus Christ.