Discovering Who We Are

If all of these are unhealthy methods of seeking identity, then what is the true method by which we should begin to discover who we are?  Surely it can’t mean we should stop relationships, live immorally, fail on purpose, let our appearance go, or quit our job?  Of course not.  Identity involves a much deeper perspective that may take some time to build.  In reality, identity has little if anything to do with matters of the physical world, including the things on the list above.  Collectively, chasing after these external pursuits is often referred to as being “externally defined.”

Instead, identity is a core issue – being “internally defined.”  It is the very essence of our being – the intricate and detailed things that make us who we are.  The only potential we have to truly capture our identity is to ask the one who designed and created us.  By seeking His point of view, we are going to find who we are and the purpose for which we were created.

“I knew you before I formed you in your mother’s womb.  Before you were born, I set you apart” (Jeremiah 1:5 NIV)

Gaining Identity

Everything we have done through the entire TURN process (as well as throughout this entire book) has led us to the place where we are finally ready to embrace our authentic identity.  We have turned from toxic people, places, and things.  And we have uncovered the shame, lies, and false beliefs.  However, if our identity has been damaged or broken as a result of years and years of unresolved shame, rediscovering it won’t happen immediately.

Many of us misunderstand the process of restoration (or sanctification).  Forgiveness is a one-time event.  But the consequences of our past may leave enough damage in our soul that we need time – possibly a lifetime – to regain what has been lost.  Some of us have spent our entire childhood and much of our adulthood believing things that not only were untrue, but also were destructive to our identity, our self-worth, and our relationship with God.  We have needed to reject the internalized shame in our lives and grow in forgiveness.

It will also be essential that we initiate the very process that would have naturally occurred through our childhood had we experienced an emotionally and spiritually healthy family system.  We need to discover our gifts, unique talents, interests, skills, and passions in life.  We need to step out in faith and try new things, discover new interests, and essentially learn who we really are on the inside.  Although we need to be spiritually grounded, there is also a very practical element to finding our true identity.  And this takes time, patience, prayer, community, and encouragement.

Jesus Is Our Guide

In order to move through this journey of discovery we need a guide to lead us.  As we commit to claim our relationship with Jesus Christ and the truth of the word of God as the source of our identity, we begin to see ourselves as God’s precious and valuable child.

From there, we naturally feel led to follow after our interests.  Because the shame mask has been removed and the Holy Spirit has been given access to our lives, He is now in the process of redefining us – chipping away the layers to reveal the “angel” on the inside.  He works within us – in ways unique to each of us – to unveil the true desires and gifts He has placed in our heart.

This journey will become exciting, I promise!  As we begin to understand how connecting with our true identity is a privilege, and that the person God made us to be is fulfilling, we will find interests we would have never dreamed would be meaningful to us.  And eventually we will find healthy, whole relationships with others that allow us to fulfill Jesus’ words in John 13:34 (NIV): “As I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

The struggle for identity first happens as a spiritual battle in the mind for the messages and beliefs we choose to receive and believe.  Referring back to a metaphor I taught in an earlier chapter, just as a root springs up and produces fruit, when the messages of our heart come from God, they eventually produce wholeness and the expression of His will in our lives.  We no longer have to frantically search for life.   We merely live it.  God begins to show us and places things directly into our heart and mind that align with His will for us.

“For it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill His good purpose” (Philippians 2:13 NIV).

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Soul health and spiritual maturity cannot be separated.  Our counselors are ordained Christian ministers as well as certified and licensed Christian counselors.  We are able to help you experience freedom from shame, anxiety, depression, or marriage / relationship conflict with methods that are purely Christ-centered.  Please click on this link to learn much more about how our MARRIAGE COUNSELING can help you become a more authentic follower of Christ, and help you find freedom from identity dependence.

Life Training offers convenient sessions at our office in Louisville, Kentucky, as well as online counseling via Zoom or FaceTime.  Our non-profit counseling practice has an outstanding track record for over a decade helping men and women, individuals and couples who are ready to move beyond anxiety, depression, and conflicts in marriage or other relationships find hope and healing in their lives.  Contact us today at 502-717-5433, or by email at drdave@lifetrainingcounseling.org