Dude Skill #2: TALK – Part 4
#9 IN MY SERIES OF POSTINGS DEDICATED TO SUMMARIZING A WONDERFUL BOOK ENTITLED “THE DUDE’S GUIDE TO MARRIAGE: TEN SKILLS EVERY HUSBAND MUST DEVELOP TO LOVE HIS WIFE WELL” BY DARRIN & AMIE PATRICK.
What Do Wives Want Their Husbands To Talk About?
i was talking to a friend the other day about how hard life is. Both of us have four young children, demanding jobs, and intelligent wives. We talk for a living. We were lamenting that we weren’t connecting with our wives’ hearts with our words. I began to think about what our wives really wanted from us. What do they want us to focus our words upon?
Heart, Not Action
We men are action-oriented creatures, aren’t we? We love to do. There is truth to the cleverly un-clever statement, “We are human be-ings, not human do-ings.” Husbands want to perform, accomplish, and get things done. We don’t want to talk about why we do these things or how we feel when we fail at these things. These are the exact things about which our ladies want us to spill the beans. They want us to talk about our failures and our motives. They want a peek into our hearts, not just our heads.
Concern, Not Success
Our wives want to know what we are worried about, not just where we are succeeding. I can’t tell you how frustrating it is when Amie doesn’t do backflips as I report about all the wins I had from my job or my hobby. I can’t tell you how surprised I am when she oozes empathy, attention, and support as I talk about my hopes, dreams, and fears. A wife wants to celebrate her husband’s successes for sure, but in the context of understanding his concerns. When you are vulnerable with your words, your wife will in return be vulnerable with her heart.
Home, Not WorK
I like my work. I would do it for no salary. That is one benefit of working in your calling, not just pursuing a career or having a job. Because i like my job, I love to talk about it. I love to share the values and strategies what are making everyone prosper. My wife loves when I talk family philosophy — defining and discussing the values that we hold dear. She loves to do strategery around how we are going to engage our kids’ hearts and make memories for them. Her favorite word is collaborate. She delights when we talk about the locations of date nights, vacations, and overnight trips. Words clothe our passions. If we are passionate about our home life, the amount of words and the energy behind them will reveal that.
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