How To Nurture Positive Self-Talk In Your Child

KAYLA WRIGHT
Licensed Christian Counselor
Specialist in Child & Adolescent Therapy
Life Training Christian Counseling

Parents play a critical role in developing their child’s inner dialogue. The words spoken to them from their parents eventually become the way they address themselves, whether building themselves up or tearing themselves down. The result of a parent who chooses not to nurture positive self-talk in their children is an adult who holds an unhealthy view of themselves, and, often, an unhealthy view of God. There are ways you can teach your children to speak positively to themselves.

“Children have never been good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” James Baldwin

The way your children hear you speak to yourself MATTERS

Ephesians 4:29 encourages us to “not let any unwholesome talk come out of [our] mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” It is important to be intentional in the way you speak to yourself when you make mistakes, when you are having off days, and just when you are feeling lost. It’s okay not to be okay, and it’s okay to feel confused.

There are many Psalms when David cries out to God for help and seeks Him for comfort. However, there is a difference between saying, “God, I don’t know what to do and I need you,” and saying, “I can’t believe I don’t know what to do. I’m worthless and stupid.” The former statement takes the stance of a person who knows they are made right with God, and yet acknowledges where they fall short and need help. The latter statement is from someone heaping shame onto themselves, forgetting they are made whole in Christ.

It is of utmost importance our hearts are being renewed daily by the Holy Spirit. Why? Because “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Matt 12:34). If you feel you may not be secure in your redemption and transformation of Christ, reflect on these verses:

“Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.”

Romans 5:1

“Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you by Christ’s physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation— if you continue in your faith, established and firm, and do not move from the hope held out in the gospel.”

Colossians 1:21-23

“This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

1 John 4:9-10

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

2 Corinthians 5:17

Discipline, Not Punishment

Amy Morin, LCSW, describes the difference between discipline and punishment in her article The Difference Between Punishment and Discipline. Punishment focuses on “making a child ‘pay’ for his mistakes.” Discipline, however, utilizes clear communication and teaches the child the appropriate behavior desired. Punishment results in cycles of shame for the child, causing them to believe they are unable to make better choices, while discipline begins with expectations given and consistent consequences when a wrong choice is made. The consistency allows the child to feel safe to make choices, knowing their parents will notify them when they have made a mistake, and their confidence can grow. As Philippians 4:5 says, “let your gentleness be evident to all,” speaking to your children with grace and love, reminding them they are redeemed in Jesus and are empowered to make good decisions through the Holy Spirit living in them.

Being mindful of these things will help give your children the tools to become strong adults with a positive view of the Lord, themselves, and others.

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Kayla Wright joined the counseling team at Life Training Christian Counseling in May of this year. She is nationally licensed as a Christian Counselor by the National Christian Counselors Association, with an advanced board certification in Child & Adolescent Therapy. Kayla gained extensive experience and credibility in providing counseling to teens and pre-teens during her tenure on the staff of Revive Christian Counseling in Owensboro and Madisonville, Kentucky.

Kayla, as well as each of our other counselors, offers convenient sessions at our office in Louisville, Kentucky, as well as online counseling via Zoom or FaceTime. Please click on this link to learn much more about how our COUNSELING FOR TEENS & PRE-TEENS in Louisville, Kentucky can help the child you love find the highly-effective, Christ-centered help they need. Contact us today at 502-717-5433, or by email at kayla@lifetrainingcounseling.org