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God Makes the Crooked Straight Not long after my wife and I moved into our first brand new home, I arranged for the local plant nursery to deliver and install a perfect weeping willow tree in our side yard.  Ann had always wanted a beautiful, wispy tree that we could one day sit in the…

I’ve sometimes felt that my journey of transformation has been like trying to turn the Titanic.  Very intentional.  Yet slow and methodical.  More than three decades in fact. The beauty of being transformed by Christ into the likeness of Christ is that it’s all about the journey.  There’s really not a destination – at least…

God has given us His Spirit who can and will empower us to overcome the battles within.  But we must be willing to allow Him the authority to be in control of our emotions and behaviors, especially those surrounding the toxic shame and false beliefs we have internalized from childhood. This is the very nature…

”For the Word of God s alive and powerful.  It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow.  It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires” (Hebrews 4:12 NLT). In an earlier chapter, I reflected on a season in my early adult life when it felt as though…

“The unique nature of who we are is reflected most accurately through the characteristics of our inborn temperament.”  Dr. Dave Ralston Am I Enough? At this point in our journey, you’re most likely beginning to make significant connections between the experiences of your childhood and the intra- or inter-personal plaguing your adult life.  To clearly…

Shame that is a product of our acting out (I’ll refer to this as “post-shame”) is somewhat different than shame that was the precursor to our acting out (I’ll refer to this as “pre-shame”), although both weeds share the same roots. As we looked at in detail already, pre-shame leads to discomfort that we feel…

What If Our Parents Were Wrong? I love the way Robin Grille and Beth Macgregor, in their article entitled “Good” Children – at What Price? help us consider what they call the “secret costs of shame.” Our parents and caregivers’ voices are the first we hear, and in childhood, theirs are the words that echo…

Temptation The Bible assures Christians in 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV): “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind.  And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.  But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” We…

Toxic shame is experientially acquired more than it is cognitively learned.  It evolves from an unmet need, into a chronically unmet need, into a false belief, into an altered self-image.  This will develop in uniquely different ways in the lives of individuals who have been exposed to the very same environment.  For some, it may…