Creating Stability Through Divorce

Divorce, by nature, disrupts stability in a home. What was once one home now is two. The future of relationships are unknown, and sometimes new people may be introduced into the childrens’ lives. Co-parenting is made difficult due to the complicated feelings between both parents. While each situation surrounding divorce is unique, the children in the home are often most negatively affected. 

How can I create stability in my divorced household?

Be mindful of the things said in front of your children 

“Set a guard over my mouth, Lord; keep watch over the door of my lips.” –

Psalm 141:3 NIV

While it is important for you to acknowledge negative feelings and work through them, your children do not need to be included in them. A child needs both a mother and a father in their life, and when both parents cannot be present in a child’s life, he or she is left wounded. These wounds can take a lifetime to heal. While there are things you cannot control, it is important to allow and encourage your child to have whatever healthy relationship they can have with the alternate parent. Speaking negatively about your former spouse in front of your children can harm the relationship the child has with them. Find a safe space outside of your home to process your hurt and anger. This can be with a pastor, friend, or counselor. 

Keep children out of conflict

“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.”

Romans 12:18-19 NIV

As a Christian counselor for teens, I often see parents use their children as weapons to hurt their former spouse. While this may achieve the goal, the often unanticipated collateral damage is the mental health of the child. Because a child’s mind is developmentally unable to understand emotions outside of themselves, children often blame themselves for their parents’ divorce. Placing them in the center of conflict only feeds this shame, and can damage the child’s relationship with both parents. If conflict is difficult between you and your former spouse, set boundaries to work towards healthy arguments. This can look like having conversations only in person to keep phone conversations from being misconstrued, or meeting with a mediator such as a counselor or lawyer. Your child should NOT be the mediator between their parents. 

Lean on the Lord for strength in the midst of the storm

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

Psalm 18:2 NIV

Divorce brings lots of change into the lives of all parties involved. Create consistency in your household for time with God. Set aside time to pray and read the Bible together. The Lord’s presence in your child’s life will bring spiritual and emotional stability into their life. From the consistency you have in your walk with Christ, you will be able to create stability in other areas of your life. 

• Find a church home to bring your kids to. This will provide a group of adults and peers who can add support to your children’s lives. 

• Grounding yourself in Christ’s love will begin to fill the hole left by the divorce and change in time with your children while they are in their other parent’s home.

• Over time, you can rebuild a support system within your brothers and sisters in Christ, who can encourage you in the challenges that come with divorce. 

• In light of Christ’s forgiveness, you can begin to forgive your former spouse for wounds made during the marriage and divorce, and you can move forward to successfully co-parent your children.

Let us help you find stability through the transitions of divorce

The counselors at Life Training Christian Counseling have extensive experience and training in helping adults, teens, and children find stability through difficult times such as divorce.