Effects Of Narcissistic Abuse
You don’t feel connected
Your partner talks with you when it is convenient. They constantly brag about themselves and their accomplishments and rarely show interest in anything going on in your life. Their happiness comes from external sources such as prestige, power, or possessions. You wonder if they are even capable of feeling emotional love or connecction.
You feel manipulated
Your partner will make subtle threats throughout the relationship. They may not be direct with their words, but you’ll get a sense that if you don’t do something their way or give in to what they want, bad things will happen. Sometimes, it’s easier just to go along with what they want even if you don’t really agree with it.
You feel like you’re never good enough
You have feelings of inadequacy that don’t match what you’ve accomplished in your life. Your partner tends to put you down or make negative comments about the things that you do. You’ve lost touch with the things that you used to enjoy doing because you don’t have time for them anymore. You lie to cover up things that your partner does.
You’re constantly being “gaslighted”
When someone constantly denies things that you know to be true, they are “gaslighting” you. This is a common tactic used by narcissists to bolster their claim that they’re always right or competent. If something is wrong or fails, it’s impossible in their eyes for it to ever be their fault.
You begin second-guessing yourself
Your partner may tell lies about your behavior and try to twist reality so that it fits their version of events rather than what really happened. You might begin second-guessing yourself and feel like you’re going crazy. It can be difficult for others to realize what happens behind closed doors because your partner appears so charming on the surface.
You avoid conversations
It may seem as though every conversation with your partner ends in an argument no matter how hard you try. The narcissist constantly tries to push your buttons to get you to react; controlling others’ emotions gives them a sense of satisfaction. Often, it’s easier to avoid having a conversation than to deal with the mind games.
You feel responsible for everything
Narcissists think that everything is always someone else’s fault. You will never get an apology from a narcissistic person. Narcissists don’t see other people as being on equal footing with them. Everything bad that happens in their life is somehow because of you, which leaves you feeling like there’s nothing that you can do right.
You’re constantly walking on eggshells
You never know when your partner is going to explode or be in one of their moods. Everything seems fine, but then something minor happens and they go into a rage. You probably feel like you’ve lost yourself because now all of your decisions are based on what will keep your narcissistic partner happy.
You see through their charm
On the surface, your partner is charming, confident, and accomplished. They seem this way only because they are so skillful at hiding their true colors from others. They say all the right things, and people love them. The second you’re alone with them, you’re suddenly dealing with a completely different person than who everyone else sees.
You constantly feel criticized
Your partner is excessively critical of your appearance. They might make comments about your weight, clothes, or choice of hairstyle. They make fun of you or put you down, behind your back and/or to your face. They make fun of others, especially people they perceive as lesser than them. In general, they are highly critical of everyone.
Your needs are ignored
Your partner thinks only about their own needs and how things affect them, not you or anyone else—including the kids if you have a family. They will do only things that benefit themselves, not you or your relationship together. :They may want to have sex when they want it, expect you to pick up after them, take credit for your hard work.
Your friends and family have been warning you
Your family has told you that they don’t like how your partner treats you. Or, your family is oblivious that anything is wrong because your partner has been feeding them lies about you. Either way, your partner is a point of contention when it comes to family relations.
You may have been cheated on
A narcissist is often a master flirt and might be cheating on you. They are very charming and know how to sweep people off their feet. You may find yourself constantly questioning if your partner is being faithful because of their flirting. They might have cheated multiple times, so nothing will stop them from doing it again.
You feel unloved and unwanted
When you first got together, you felt like the most amazing person in the world. However, as time went on and problems arose, your partner began to devalue and ignore you. This is a red flag that they’re not who they made themselves out to be in the first place. You likely received love bombs in the beginning, only to get you hooked.
You get the silent treatment
Your partner uses the silent treatment as a way to control you. They’ll withhold affection and ignore your existence until they feel like being nice again will get them what they want. You might think that this behavior is normal for people who are married. The truth is that the silent treatment isn’t part of a healthy, loving, and relationship.
You’re stuck financially
One thing that narcissists know how to do very well is to take advantage of their spouses financially. You might be paying for everything while your partner can’t hold down a job, or their job might be bringing in a lot of income but you’re not allowed to see any of it. Or, they don’t want you to work so you’ll become entirely dependent on them.
You can’t rely on your partner
When they make promises, you never know if they are going to keep them. Narcissists are notorious for making promises and then breaking them when it’s convenient. You don’t feel as though you have a partner you can rely on, and you find yourself having to do everything yourself. You’ll begin to feel alone or like a single-parent.
You’ve asked, but they won’t change
Narcissists are not willing to change because this would mean admitting something is wrong within themselves. Narcissists never admit that even a hint of anything is wrong with them or their ways. On the other hand, some will proudly admit that they are narcissists, but claim that everyone else is the problem.
Your hope is found in God, your rock and your salvation
2 samuel 22:3 NIV
“My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation. He is my stronghold, my refuge and my savior— from violent people you save me.”