4 Ways To Support Your Teen
Parents have a unique influence over their children’s lives. While teens need support from many adults as they develop their identity and value of themselves, the words of their parents will always hold significant weight. When parents are adults who did not have encouraging parents, it can be hard for them to know how to support their teens. Here are 4 ways parents can begin uplifting their teens.
Listen to them
”My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,“
James 1:19 NIV
Listening is the first step of successfully supporting a teenager. As a Christian counselor for teens, I often encounter students who feel unseen, unheard, and misunderstood. In order for a teen to place trust in an adult, they need to know they’re valued and listened to by them. Active listening requires eye contact, silence, and the intentional effort to hear everything shared before responding appropriately. When active listening is done correctly, a safe space is created where the teen can come and share, and the adult can pour into the student.
Invest in them
”I know your deeds, your love and faith, your service and perseverance, and that you are now doing more than you did at first.“
Revelation 2:19 NIV
Encouraging teens requires investing time and attention into them. Each teen has different dreams, hobbies, and talents. During adolescence, these individuals explore how they want to implement these things in their lives. In order for an adult to encourage the teen in these areas, they must spend time with them.
- Attend their ball games, band and choir concerts, and speech competitions.
- Help them explore their curiosities by asking questions and supporting them in seeking answers.
- Give room to make their own mistakes and keep moving forward.
Fight for growth
”Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.“
Philippians 2:3-4 NIV
Teens need to know they are valued by their parents. One of the greatest ways parents can show their adolescents their value is by choosing to grow. Growth is not easy. In fact, growth requires healing from some of the hardest hurts an individual has ever experienced. In order for a parent to support their children in a healthy way, they must know what healthy is. Humility enables an individual to acknowledge their wrongdoings without blaming others or shaming themselves for their behavior. When a parent chooses to fight for their own growth, they are giving their children the opportunity to have the greatest support possible. As Maya Angelou once said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
Speak life
”Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.“
Ephesians 4:29 NIV
As parents grow, they have the ability and opportunity to speak good things over their children. The words parents say to their children become their internal dialogue to themselves. Keeping this in mind, it’s important for parents to speak uplifting words to their teens.
- Refrain from using words that attack their identity. When they make bad choices, rather than using finite language such as, “you are a bad kid,” highlight the bad choice and explain consequences. Then, give them a space to discuss what a better choice could be for the future.
- Replace the “can’t” mindset with “could.” An example would be, “while your current path has roadblocks, you could make a new way to reach your goal!” This helps teens learn to look for alternate paths to keep moving forward.
We’d love to meet you and your teen
Our counselors have years of experience walking alongside parents as you learn to support and encourage your teens through the ups and downs of adolescence. Contact us today for more information and to schedule your initial session.