Divorce For The Wrong Reasons
Pastors and Christian counselors derive grounds to justify divorce under some circumstances directly from the Bible. We’ve already taken a detailed look at these in my previous article. It’s clear in the Bible that God’s intention for marriage. It is, and has always been, that it remain in effect until the death of one spouse. God has provided limited circumstances in which a marriage can be severed and not be considered overtly sinful. However, there are even more reasons no to divorce. Many people—even Christians—offer reasons to divorce that are not sanctioned by God. Here are ten common but illegitimate reasons to divorce.*
“My Spouse Isn’t A Christian” | “I Wasn’t A Christian When I Married My Spouse”
Nowhere in the Bible is this seen as grounds for divorce. In 1 Corinthians 7:12-13 Paul very clearly urges men and women in such situations not to divorce their unbelieving spouse. In 1 Peter 3:1-2 women married to unbelievers are called to “be subject to their own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives.”
Rather thanChristians are told to seek opportunities to share their faith with their unbelieving spouse, rather than seeking an opportunity to get out of the relationship.
“We Weren’t Married In A Church”
Matthew 19:6 renders this an illegitimate excuse when it says, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” Marriage is sanctioned by God and is not dependent on the context in which those vows were made. No matter where you were married or who married you, if you have made a covenant of marriage, the Lord expects you to keep it.
“I Need To Get Out Of This Marriage For The Sake Of My Kids”
This is, of course, a justifiable concern, but one that Paul does not neglect to address. “For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife. The unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy” (1 Corinthians 7:14). According to Paul, here is another opportunity to endure for the sake of the gospel. In this way, your children, too, may see your godly example of faith. In the case that your spouse poses a threat of danger — emotional or physical abuse — your children’s safety is a priority.
“We Are No Longer In Love”
God commands us to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44). We can undoubtedly love our spouse, even if we can’t muster those romantic feelings that once defined the relationship. The marriage covenant is binding until death, not until one or both of you falls out of love. Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, “It is no longer your love that sustains the marriage, but the marriage that sustains your love.” When you love your spouse out of obedience to Christ, trust that God can help it grow from the heart and restore the romance that’s been lost.
“My Spouse Is A Huge Disappointment” | “He Is A Loser And Poor Provider” | “She Hasn’t Taken Care Of Herself Physically” | “I Would Have Never Married This Person If I Had Known What I Was Getting Myself Into” | “I Deserve Better”
Even the best of marriages may enter lulls where thoughts like these remain prevalent for periods of time. Marriage can be hard. Your spouse may grieve or disappoint you greatly. However, this is not a legitimate excuse to bolt. Rather, it is an opportunity to outdo him or her in love (Romans 12:10), to grow in trust in the God who ordained your marriage (Proverbs 3:5-6), and to reflect the faithfulness of God until the very end (Matthew 25:23).
- Marriage, Divorce, and Remarriage: Critical Questions and Answers. by Jim Newheiser
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