It’s More Than Obedience
Parenting has to be one of the most beautiful and difficult things in the world. It requires humility and patience that can be difficult to muster at times. Parents are challenged to help their children navigate childhood while simultaneously equipping them to be healthy adults. This means when teaching them obedience, it’s important to include who they are being obedient to and why.
“You must obey my laws and be careful to follow my decrees. I am the LORD your God.”
Leviticus 18:4 NIV
When God gives the Israelites these rules in Leviticus, He reminds them often that he is the LORD their God. This establishes the relationship God had with their ancestors and has with them. He’s informing them that He is not just anybody, but someone who is faithful and trustworthy. Parents often try to establish their authority with sayings such as, “…because I said so.” Some children are willing to accept this as a valid response. Others, however, are more independent and are seeking to learn how to make good choices for themselves.
Leading independent children requires answering questions
Answering questions can be a tedious and, at times, annoying process. Our society doesn’t leave much time to slow down. However, it’s important to incorporate time to answer their questions to help them form a picture of what is right and wrong. Just like God did with the Israelites, parents need to establish what makes them a trustworthy source for instruction. This can be done by:
- creating and defining a safe space to your children so they know how to identify it in others.
- showing through your actions and words you care for the child.
- walking in grace within your relationship with your children.
Knowing how to identify who to be obedient to is important. Predators who want to harm your children will exploit those who were taught to blindly obey all adults. When a child is aware of what to look for when spotting a suspicious adult, they are more likely to avoid them. Encourage your child to not obey adults who want to keep secrets from parents. Assure them they will not get in trouble at home for saying no to adults who are trying to force them to give or receive physical affection. Even forcing seemingly innocent affection, like hugs, is unhealthy and needs to be discouraged by parents.
Children need to know the why behind obedience.
When a parent is asking or telling a child to do something, the parent knows it’s in order to grow or protect the child. The child, however, doesn’t know or understand this unless it is explained to them. Sometimes the why behind a request contains information that would be inappropriate for the child to know at their age. In these instances, parents can choose to share information in a way that gives the why without the inappropriate part. Two examples of these situations would be conversations about navigating the internet and family conflict.
Internet Safety
If you feel your child is not of the age to share information about pornography or internet predators, inform them there are things their eyes should not see that you are protecting them from.
Boundaries with Family Members
If there is family drama you don’t want to include your children in but need them to avoid certain people, you can say, “___ is making choices that require us to love them from a distance right now.”
When children become teens, they become more independent from their parents as they learn their identity. Obedience shifts from “do exactly as I say” to “get the desired outcome.” Now, instead of needing all of the steps for everything, they can begin navigating the process themselves. Parents must learn how to loosen their grip to allow their teens to make mistakes and learn that way. When obedience is taught this way, children become equipped to be self-sufficient adults.
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Kayla Wright is a frequent guest author on this blog. She joined the counseling team at Life Training Christian Counseling in Louisville, Kentucky in May of 2023. The passion of her counseling work is to make a meaningful difference in the lives of Teens and pre-teens.
Kayla Wright, as well as each of our other counselors, offers convenient sessions at Life Training Christian Counseling in Louisville, Kentucky. She also offers online counseling via Zoom or FaceTime. Please click on this link to learn much more about how our Counseling for teens and pre-teens in Louisville, Kentucky can help the child you love find the highly-effective, Christ-centered help they need. Contact us today at 502-717-5433, or by email at kayla@lifetrainingcounseling.org