My Greatest Disappointments With Men
I wouldn’t be surprised if the title I chose for this article struck a nerve with some of you. Typically this type of implication comes from an angry wife. Or maybe a woman who has been abused by a man sometime in their life. Possibly a feminist who thinks anything a man can do they can do better, and several others. Why would I feel the need to tell you my greatest disappointments with men, being a man myself? The answer: day after day, year after year, I heart individuals from all walks of life recall stories of the hurt, shame, rejection, and abandonment caused by men in their lives. Here are three of the most common types of stories that are shared with me.
Emotionally absent
I often attribute this to the American dream and work ethic of the early twentieth century. Men were hard workers who took very seriously their responsibility to “provide” for their families. They were strong protectors who defended their interests – both people and property – from any type of foe or harm. And they were strict, authoritative disciplinarians who used shame and fear as their means of contorlling their wives and children.
Providing, protecting, and disciplining are wonderful motivations. Nonetheless, this era of US history left generations of men entirely emotionally disabled. And lef the women and children in their lives deeply damaged. Our society is still trying to dig out of decades of this form of abuse.
Spiritually immature
The number of men who entirely dismiss their God-given responsibility to be the spiritual leader of their family is astounding. I can see if they did it poorly and admitted their need for guidance and mentoring. But that is rarely if ever the case.
Sometimes men claim they don’t know what to do. Often, they were raised in home where their father was not a spiritually and emotionally healthy or responsible man. Other times, I’ve had men tell me that the spiritual parts of their family was, and is, the woman’s responsibility.
The tragic risk of the spiritually immature man – whether husband, father, or citizen. It is the weakening of the very fiber of the most important areas of human life. His wife and marriage are seen only through the eyes of a partner in life. He does not see her as a human who he has been given the distinct responsibility to love, care for, and lead. His children will grow up having no sense of any truth, reality, purpose, or hope. These will be no greater than what they see physically lived out in front of them.
They often become adults who see nothing (or everything) as truth. Reality is what each person makes for themselves. Purpose in life is no higher than merely moving from one task to another to another. And there is no hope in the home of a spiritually immature man. Hope is limited to wishful thinking, get-rich-quick gimmicks, and praying to hit the lottery.
Abusive of women and/or children
Men abusing those weaker than themselves has existed in this world since virtually the beginning of time.
- Physical abuse
- Emotional abuse
- Spiritual abuse
- Financial abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Mental abuse
- Narcissistic abuse
All forms of abuse exemplify the abuser’s (perpetrator) intentions to diminish the worth and value of another human being. This is always in response to their own inner sense of insecurity, incompetence, or insignificance. The intensity of a man’s abuse of a woman or child is proportional to how badly he feels about himself. Said differently, any form of abuse by a man is the most telling indicator of how weak he really is. Strong men never abuse a weaker person — they protect them!
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