You’re Enough
The statement “You are competent” communicates to some individuals that they are seen as enough.
Even If Assured They’re Enough, They Still Have Difficulty Believing It
if you have difficulty comprehending how this statement could be so important to someone, then it’s apparent that you don’t have this particular temperament type. Often when we don’t share a similar type with someone, it’s very difficult for us to understand how or why they could act or react so adversely to something that we might have acted or reacted to much less negatively.
In essence, the essential need of their temperament was not satisfied because they were not perceived as competent. Follow along with me as I unpack this:
Those parts of this individual’s nature that are exposed when their essential need to appear competent is not satisfied might include:
- Focus on their imperfections
- Search their environment for messages to confirm their low self-esteem
- Set unrealistic standards for themselves
- Fear rejection
- Have self-doubts
- Have a mind that won’t shut off
- Fear being wrong
- Project a façade of being competent and in control
- Seldom tells others their intentions
- Dwell on past hurts and failures
- Easily insulted and hurt
- Have difficulty admitting when wrong or incorrect
- Keep emotional score card
- Throw past rejection back at others
- Justify their anger
- Hold grudges
- Will become angry if perceived as incompetent
- Procrastinates when lacks competence
- projects façade of competence to hide real or imagined inadequacies
- Submits only to authority perceived as more competent
To condense all of that into a simpler understanding of an individual with this temperament, they have four primary inner battles related to their one essential need:
Essential Need: They Can’t Not Appear Competent
- They measure competence by an arbitrary standard of perfection assimilated throughout their lifetime
- They are committed to the belief that if not perceived as competent by others, then they are rejected and of no worth.
- Their mind is always running, and tends to dwell on past hurts caused by others, or past failures of their own.
- They tend to turn everything in their life into a task to be completed perfectly and completely.
When interacting with an individual with this temperament type, it is important to choose our words and actions wisely so as to not send the message that we don’t perceive them as competent. Here are some examples of ways others might communicate with this individual that will probably result in them responding in an adverse way:
- “Do you know what you’re doing?”
- “When are you going to get the muffler on my car fixed?”
- “I found a misspelled word in the letter you wrote.”
- “Are you going to wear that outfit to church?”
Something to ponder. In my next posting I will take a look at the second temperament type, with the essential need: “You are respected.” This phrase communicates to this individual that their leadership is respected.
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