Choose Your Words
As a Christian counselor for teens, I often mediate conflict between children and their parents. Sometimes, this is just from common teenage rebellion, meaning the teens are resisting discipline from their parents. Other times, a parent hasn’t healed from their broken past, and their actions are hurting their children. In these situations, the children need an advocate to intercede on their behalf. A common issue that arises is children feel they cannot trust their parents to be a safe space to confide in. Teens tend to become reluctant to open up and share their hearts if their parents aren’t careful to choose the words they are communicating.
Shame Language
“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death.”
romns 8:1-2 NIV
Parents are to take steps to lead their children in the way they should go. Part of this is equipping and supporting them in making their own decisions and learning from their own mistakes. Unfortunately, sometimes instead of leading conversations towards God’s grace and growth, a parent can heap condemnation onto their children. Examples of this may be, “Did you think of how your choices make us look?”. Or possibly, “You always make these mistakes!”. It is important for a parent to set their own pride aside to respond in grace in truth. This does not mean a parent takes the consequences for the teen. However, if parents stop to listen first, they may find the natural consequences of their childrens’ actions have taught them their lesson already.
Gossip
“A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.”
proverbs 20:19 NIV
Gossip at its root is sharing information about an individual to someone who is not that person, without the individual’s knowledge or permission. I often meet parents who gossip about their kids to other parents and family members without even realizing what they are doing or the damage it causes.
Some teens do not mind for others to know what they are struggling with. However, if a parent has not talked with their children about sharing the information they have entrusted them with, there is no way of knowing whether the child cares or not. When a parent chooses to share information about their child that was not previously discussed, the child can feel disrespected and betrayed. It is important for the parent to always have an open line of communication with the child so you are aware of what they are okay with others knowing. Some things the parent may view as small may feel big to the child.
How Can I Avoid Betraying My Teen’s Trust?
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.”
ephesians 4:29 niv
Choose your words intentionally! When you are at family gatherings or speaking on the phone with a friend or family member, think before you share personal information about your children. Speak positive and uplifting things about your children when you know they are listening to your conversations. Kids are observing how you speak about them to those around you. Make sure the words they hear feed their soul, and not tear it down.
If there is a situation where you share information with someone who your child didn’t want you to, have an intentional conversation. Apologize for breaking their boundary and discuss how you can respect their privacy in the future. Your boundary may be different than the child, and that’s okay! Listening to them as they share will ensure you are able to grow going forward. If, as the parent, you feel you aren’t sure how to navigate these boundaries with your children, speak with a trusted pastor or counselor for help. You are not alone, and trust can be built back!
Our Christian Counselors Are Great At Bridging The Gap Between Teens And Their Parents
Kayla Wright is a frequent guest author on this blog. She joined the counseling team at Life Training Christian Counseling in Louisville, Kentucky in May of this year. The passion of her counseling work is to make a meaningful difference in the lives of Teens and pre-teens.
Kayla is nationally licensed as a Christian Counselor by the National Christian Counselors Association. She possesses an advanced board certification in Child & Adolescent Therapy. Kayla gained extensive experience and credibility in providing counseling to teens and pre-teens during her tenure on the staff of Revive Christian Counseling in Owensboro and Madisonville, Kentucky. She is highly skilled in teenage substance abuse counseling and teenage depression counseling.
Kayla Wright, as well as each of our other counselors, offers convenient sessions at Life Training Christian Counseling in Louisville, Kentucky. She also offers online counseling via Zoom or FaceTime. Please click on this link to learn much more about how our Counseling for teens and pre-teens in Louisville, Kentucky can help the child you love find the highly-effective, Christ-centered help they need. Contact us today at 502-717-5433, or by email at kayla@lifetrainingcounseling.org