#43 IN MY SERIES OF POSTINGS DEDICATED TO SUMMARIZING A WONDERFUL BOOK ENTITLED “THE DUDE’S GUIDE TO MARRIAGE: TEN SKILLS EVERY HUSBAND MUST DEVELOP TO LOVE HIS WIFE WELL” BY DARRIN & AMIE PATRICK.
CONTINUED FROM MY POST ON SEPTEMBER 11, 2023
The Heart of Submission
Just as proper submission on a team leads to victory , so submission in marriage leads to success. Marriage is not a competition or a battle to be won by one side or the other. It is a complex partnership in which both spouses are respected, loved, honored, and given space to grow and flourish. Marriage is a place where we want our spouses to win more than we want it for ourselves. It’s a place where we learn to enjoy our spouses’ successes as much as our own and grieve their failures with compassion and empathy.
When Should I Submit to My Wife?
There are no hard and fast rules about when this should happen, but here are some guidelines:
- When you wife has more expertise or life experience, or when the decision falls in an area of her strength.
- When your wife has a strong leaningn or gut feeling and you don’t even after you’ve intentionally thought through the situation.
- When your wife has more invested in the potential outcome than you do, or when she will be more affected by the decision than you are.
- When you sense that you’re just trying to win or get your way more than you’re trying to do what’s best for you and your family.
- When you have an opportunity to honor your wife’s preferences just because you love her, and doing so will bring her joy.
I (Darren) tend to be a visionary, big-picture person, while Amie is more in tune with details and logistics. I often have great ideas, but Amie helps me stay in tune with reality and the potential cost of the ideas. Because of this, I regularly submit to her about whether an idea is workable. On the other hand, because Amie greatly respects my ability to see farther ahead and from a broader perspective than she naturally does, she regularly submits to my encouragement to take risks and consider things that feel too far away or too big. Neither of us is right all the time, but we’d be foolish not to lean into each other’s strengths in these areas.
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