How To Love An Adolescent

KAYLA WRIGHT
Licensed Christian Counselor
Specialist in Child & Adolescent Therapy
Life Training Christian Counseling

Through my years working with teens, I have noticed a few things that regularly come up in conversations of what disturbs their young hearts. While each individual’s story is uniquely theirs, there are common themes circulating throughout each one that are important to note. As we understand these struggles, we can better listen to and support each individual as they journey through adolescence.

Rejection

Teens receive rejection from multiple places. Their peers may reject them for making different choices than them, their friends may choose different friends over them, their teachers may be dismissive of them, their parents may be too busy for them, etc. Each rejection sends the same message to the teen: “You are not enough.” This false belief stirs an ache in each soul, and a longing to belong. If a child does not find a safe place among Christianity, they will find it in another place. Therefore, it is important for the Body of Christ to create a space where teens are welcomed, listened to, encouraged, and taught the love of God. When a teen learns there is nothing that can separate them from the love of God in Christ Jesus, they have a stable foundation to shield them from the rejection of others (Romans 8:38-39).

Body Image

Each individual is made in the image of God, uniquely and intentionally designed by Him. Now more than ever there is a loud voice of comparison being spoken over teens through social media. While we all have insecurities, it is important to encourage your child to embrace their physical differences rather than look at them with disgust. Remind them daily that they are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). Focus on nurturing strong bodies rather than looking at outward appearance, for “people look at outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart” (1 Sam 16:7). Help them to pay greater attention to the good things over the bad by teaching them Philippians 4:8:

Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”

Philippians 4:8 NIUV

Instability

Today’s teens have experienced rapid change both in and outside of their homes. While it is not uncommon for this broken world to leave us grasping for something consistent, the children who are now entering adolescence have lived through a pandemic in the most formative years of their lives. Often, when homes are inconsistent, there is a space outside of the home to find some type of consistency, whether at school, at church, or with friends.  However, this generation had nowhere to turn for stability when their whole world turned upside down, leaving them to cope with fear and uncertainty alone. We know the things in this life are fleeting. It is our responsibility to point to the one who is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). When a teen learns how to hold on to Jesus for stability in their lives, they accept grace and space needed to no longer carry their defense strategies. They now have the freedom to make mistakes, heal, and grow, knowing Jesus will always be with them, for “it is for freedom that Christ has set us free” (Galatians 5:1 NIV).

I find teens a lot of times get a bad reputation for being disrespectful and selfish, and sometimes they are. A part of adolescence is finding their identity apart from those who are raising them, and sometimes rebellion is a part of it. However, oftentimes the teens in my office feel unseen and unheard. If you have a teenager, I encourage you to take time to listen to them. If they are sharing they have issues with their relationship with you, use their words to reflect on your own heart. It is possible they have misunderstood something that can be clarified, but a large factor in broken relationships between teens and their parents is the parents’ lack of self-reflection and growth. You can continue to grow with your teens if you choose to “seek justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God” (Micah 6:8).

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Kayla Wright joined the counseling team at Life Training Christian Counseling in May of this year. The passion of her counseling work is to make a meaningful difference in the lives of teens and pre-teens.

Kayla is nationally licensed as a Christian Counselor by the National Christian Counselors Association, with an advanced board certification in Child & Adolescent Therapy. Kayla gained extensive experience and credibility in providing counseling to teens and pre-teens during her tenure on the staff of Revive Christian Counseling in Owensboro and Madisonville, Kentucky.

Kayla Wright, as well as each of our other counselors, offers convenient sessions at our office in Louisville, Kentucky, as well as online counseling via Zoom or FaceTime. Please click on this link to learn much more about how our COUNSELING FOR TEENS & PRE-TEENS in Louisville, Kentucky can help the child you love find the highly-effective, Christ-centered help they need. Contact us today at 502-717-5433, or by email at kayla@lifetrainingcounseling.org