Keys To Healthy Conflict In Marriage
Part 1 of 2
Every married couple will eventually have conflict in their relationship. Once in a while I’ll counsel someone who says they’ve never had conflict, or maybe that they never once saw their parents argue. I’m confident to say, married couples who never have conflict are either deeply codependent with each other, or harbor a lot of unfinished business in their hearts.
God created marriage. And He also offers understanding for how we are to move toward resolving conflict as well. No, there’s not a chapter or verse in the Bible entitled, “How to resolve conflict.” But His word is filled with important principles and examples of what healthy resolution and reconciliation could look like.
Pray Before, During, and After
Whether you and your spouse are at a place where you can pray together in the midst of a conflict or not, it’s still imperative that you discipline. yourself to pray individually throughout any difficult encounter in your marriage. God is not caught off guard by the differences between you and your spouse. He’s not disappointed in you for not having perfect harmony in your relationship. He doesn’t take sides with one of you over the other. God’s desire is that you come to Him as you’re dealing with life’s chellenges, even when those involve your marriage.
“The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words.”
Proverbs 15:28
Honor and Respect One Another
As followers of Christ, it is never appropriate for us to dishonor or disrespect the very human with whom we are “one flesh.” When we honor our spouse, we are placing them in a position of high value because of who they are. When we respect our spouse, we are acknowledging them for the meaningful, beneficial, and godly ways their live their lives. Even in the midst of an intense conflict, you must insist on honoring and respecting one another.
“Nevertheless, as for you individually, each husband is to love his own wife the same as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.”
Ephesians 5:33
Don’t Lose Sight Of The Objective
Keep the main thing the main thing! Its not uncommon for two people in the midst of conflict to lose sight of what they were even arguing about in the first place. Rabbit trails. Blaming. Bringing up past hurts and failures. You must never lose sight of the reason for the argument in the first place, and what the objecting you’re trying to resolve. The more you let the conversation more away from the heart of the issue, the more likely that one or both of you will be deeply hurt by the other’s words.
“My child, don’t lose sight of common sense and discernment. Hang on to them, for they will refresh your soul. They are like jewels on a necklace. They keep you safe on your way, and your feet will not stumble.”
Proverbs 3:21-23
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