Temperament grid in color

The 5 Life Languages ®


Human beings of every tribe, tongue, and nation have found ways of communicating between themselves for centuries.  A quick internet search I did today showed that there are currently 7,139 languages spoken in the world, with English being the most common.

Although we as human beings have mastered the art of speaking to one another, we still tragically struggle in how to effectively communicate with each other.  Speaking leads to hearing, whereas communicating leads to understanding.  And if we’re honest, the world we live in could benefit from better communication at all levels.

You’ve probably heard yourself (or someone else) say, “It’s as if we’re speaking two different languages.”  This may be the case in your marriage, in parenting relationships, with co-workers, or just in life.  If both people are speaking the same spoken language, then what is keeping them from actually communicating?  Communication is most effective when we understand the language the other person receives most favorably.

Our Innate Interpersonal Needs

The Bible tells us that God created man and woman in His image, most notably being one person comprised of three interpersonal needs: 1) our need to BELONG, 2) our need to BE POWERFUL, and 3) our need to BE KNOWN.   An essential “need” exists intrinsically within each of these, and is critical to the well-being of the person’s soul.  Experiencing inner peace and relational harmony in life is dependent upon these needs being appreciated.  When grossly unfulfilled, the individual will experience turmoil within, and often in relationships with others.

The Need to BELONG

Our experience of BELONGING largely lies in how we perceive how we’re accepted and included with others.  This comes in many forms, including being part of others, being heard by others, being seen by others, being wanted by others, and being sufficient for others, just to name a few.


Every human being has a need to know that they are good at something and that they can hold their own space as a person.  This is the need for personal POWER.  This includes decision making, carrying out responsibilities, performing tasks, plus the countless variations of these that human beings use in assessing human competence.  This list further includes characteristics such as being perfectionistic, controlling, independent, successful, procrastinator, stubborn, and so on.

The Need to BE KNOWN

God created every human being to be in intimate relationship with Him.  The desire to BE KNOWN is hard-wired within each of us, giving us a hunger for oneness with God.  But as fallen people, we seek to satisfy this need on a human level.  To connect is to matter to someone.  To be loved, liked, praised, appreciated, secured, and a million more emotions of affection.  When we truly feel that we are connected with and to someone (or a group of someones), we experience greater wholeness in our soul.

The Five Life Languages ®

A lack of or breakdown in communication between people indicates that the individual’s life language is not being sufficiently considered.  In this, the individual will typically experience intra- and/or inter-personal stress and conflict.

The combination of Life Languages each of us were created with are entirely inborn and God-given.  Not genetic.  Not learned.  Not chosen.

The language that says, “YOU’RE ENOUGH”

A person with this Life Language has an essential need to feel as though they are ENOUGH by appearing competent to others.

The language that says, “YOU’RE ADMIRED”

A person with this Life Language has an essential need to feel ADMIRED for their ability to have mastery, be in control, or be under control.

The language that says, “YOU’RE ADORED”

A person with this Life Language has an essential need to be ADORED by being approved of, liked, or loved by others.

The language that says, “YOU’RE INVITED”

A person with this Life Language has an essential need to know that they are INVITED, causing them to feel accepted, included, and wanted..

The language that says, “YOU’RE UNDERSTOOD”

A person with this Life Language has an essential need to be UNDERSTOOD by others for their tendency toward precision and accuracy, yet expend a minimal amount of energy. This language is often coupled with one of the other four in a person’s nature.

Putting ItTogether

The 5 Life Languages® is an entirely new and innovative concept, birthed out of my extensive experience as an NCCA Licensed Christian Counselor and Certified Temperament Counselor.  My intention is to communicate these powerful concepts in a universally acceptable vernacular.

In my upcoming blog posts I will be explaining in detail the uniqueness of each of the 5 Life Languages ®, and how to begin communicating in this way. 

Obviously it’s difficult to know for sure what Life Language ® an individual most needs to hear.  But as we spend time getting to know more about a person, it will become more apparent which Life Languages are most essential to them.

Life Training Christian Counseling offers an online, multiple choice questionnaire that quickly and accurately identifies the Life Languages that best satisfies a person’s interpersonal needs.  Contact us today to begin the exciting adventure of learning to communicate with an innovative, never-before spoken language.


Soul health and spiritual maturity cannot be separated.  Our counselors are ordained Christian ministers as well as certified and licensed Christian counselors.  We are able to help you experience freedom from shameanxietydepression, or marriage / relationship conflict with methods that are purely Christ-centered.  Please click on this link to learn much more about how our CHRISTIAN COUNSELING in Louisville, Kentucky can help you become a more authentic follower of Christ, and help you find freedom from identity dependence.https://lifetrainingcounseling.org/

Life Training offers convenient sessions at https://lifetrainingcounseling.org/depression-counseling/our office in Louisville, Kentucky, as well as online counseling via Zoom or FaceTime.  Our non-profit counseling practice has had an outstanding track record from over a decade helping men and women, individuals and couples who are ready to move beyond anxietydepression, and conflicts in marriage or other relationships find hope and healing in their lives.  Contact us today at 502-717-5433, or by email at drdave@lifetrainingcounseling.org

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