Children Need Support Through Divorce
As a Christian counselor for teens, I encounter many children who are struggling through their parents’ divorce. It’s no secret that divorces are hard on children of all ages, and it can be very hard as parents to know what steps to take to help your children adapt to their new normal. Most importantly, children and teens need to know that they are supported when their parents are going through a divorce. There are some steps you can take and things to be mindful of that can help support your children through divorce
Seek counseling for yourself
As the adult in the house, you are the emotional foundation the rest of the house sits on. In order to provide emotional support to your children, you have to make sure you are taking care of yourself. An unfortunate truth is that parents often use their children as a sounding board for their thoughts because they are readily available. Counseling provides a safe space for you to ventilate your thoughts and process your emotions away from your kids. Children are also often used as a messenger in-between their two separated parents. Counseling can teach you how to communicate in healthy ways and set proper boundaries with your former spouse so that your children do not have to be placed in the middle of conflict.
Produce stability as best as possible
This may feel impossible, as some divorces cause a larger disruption than others, but it is so important to to find ways to create consistency as often as possible. This can include keeping them in the activities they were previously in or maintaining discipline at both houses. Work with your former spouse to the best of your ability to stay informed of your child’s behavior and activities at both houses, and keep consequences consistent at both locations. The more unified the parents are, the more emotionally stable the child will be. Be intentional to withhold negative comments about your former spouse, as this can undermine the other parent in the eyes of the child, and ultimately affect them negatively.
Get them involved in a youth group.
Involving them in a youth group can benefit your child in multiple areas. The more support your child has as they navigate the impact of your divorce, the more likely they are to become emotionally well-rounded adults. Youth groups can give your child access to emotionally and spiritually healthy adults who are able to have healthy conversations with your child. Additionally, these adults can be a safe space when your child is needing to get things off their chest. Youth groups also provide a space for your children to encounter Christ and feed God-honoring friendships. While this doesn’t fully replace the support found in the home, it can help supplement the need for positive influences outside of the home.
Facilitate conversation.
Divorce can leave a child with many questions and concerns about their new reality and their future surroundings. Encourage openness in your child and provide a space for them to bring their questions to you. While I do not encourage you to share all of the details of the divorce with your children, especially young ones, it is okay to inform them that relationships are difficult and do not always end how God intended. Children often do not have the ability to understand the cause of divorce and can blame themselves for the separation of their parents. It is important for you to assure them that although the parents are no longer together, it does not affect the love they have for the child.
Point them to God
We find ultimate stability and peace at the feet of Jesus. When your child feels overwhelmed by the unpredictability of God, teach them how to pray God’s will over their lives. Although we do not have the promise of a good tomorrow, we do have a promise of God’s presence each day. Teach them to search God’s word for His promises and live from His unending love. His grace will be what carries them through this trying time in their lives and onto the next.
Supporting Your Teen Might Include Christian Counseling
Kayla Wright is a frequent guest author on this blog. She joined the counseling team at Life Training Christian Counseling in Louisville, Kentucky in May of this year. The passion of her counseling work is to make a meaningful difference in the lives of Teens and pre-teens.
Kayla Wright, as well as each of our other counselors, offers convenient sessions at Life Training Christian Counseling in Louisville, Kentucky. She also offers online counseling via Zoom or FaceTime. Please click on this link to learn much more about how our Counseling for teens and pre-teens in Louisville, Kentucky can help the child you love find the highly-effective, Christ-centered help they need. Contact us today at 502-717-5433, or by email at kayla@lifetrainingcounseling.org