Controlling Your Wife Is A Form Of Abuse
The word “control” can be perceived in many ways. My use of it in this article will hopefully reflect several of those. It’s important that we consider how a husband’s efforts to control his wife is a form of abuse. Abuse, regardless what form it takes, is the ultimate sign of a man/husband’s inner issues of low self-worth and insecurity. The lower and weaker he feels inside, the more dominating and insensitive he’ll be in his life and relationships. No matter the consequences, he’ll never admit to either part.
Controlling their finances
Men who tend to be controlling in a marriage often over-control their finances. A controlling husband will make every effort to dominate how their funds are spent. He will create the accountability his wife is expected to adhere to. The husband will scrutinized any purchases he doesn’t agree with. Bottom line, the wife of a controlling husband is not allowed the freedom to be an equal partner. She is denied equal and shared “ownership” of all they have and do. She is only “allowed” to have or spend money that he gives her as an “allowance.”
Controlling their happiness
There’s an old saying that goes like this: “if momma ain’t happy, nobody’s happy.” All due respect to whoever came up with that, but my experience as a marriage counselor has been that the husband dictates (whether consciously or unaware) by the mood he brings into the home each and every day. Sometimes he’ll come in the door from work with happiness and enthusiasm for his wife and kids. The very net day he may come in the same door at the same time of day, totally angry, critical, judgemental, and shaming. When confronted, he will justify this insanity as being caused by what the wife or kids had done or failed to do (i.e. do their chores, keep the house neat, etc.).
Controlling the relationship narrative
When I meet with a couple like this in my office, there is typically one element that is always present: the husband controls the narrative. No, not that he won’t allow the wife to speak. He just won’t validate her or anything she says unless it agrees with the storyline that reflects him in the best possible light. In essence, the only way the wife can be correct is to acquiesce what she thinks, believes, or says in alignment with his. Otherwise, she’s expected to accept the fact that she’s wrong.
Controlling their social relationships
A subtle ways husbands control their wives is by dictating the quantity and nature of relationships they/she has outside of their family. This can happen for various reasons:
- The husband is jealous and doesn’t trust her with others.
- The husband wants to isolate her so she is captive to his views and perspectives.
- The husband makes idel threats of how he expects her to conduct herself when with others.
- The husband punishes her in front of others if she doesn’t perform in a way that he thinks she should.
- Many others I’ve not listed here.
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