Dude Skill #5: PROVIDE – Part 3
#27 IN MY SERIES OF POSTINGS DEDICATED TO SUMMARIZING A WONDERFUL BOOK ENTITLED “THE DUDE’S GUIDE TO MARRIAGE: TEN SKILLS EVERY HUSBAND MUST DEVELOP TO LOVE HIS WIFE WELL” BY DARRIN & AMIE PATRICK.
Men Inappropriately Lean On Their Wives To Provide
I have always been intrigued by a friend of mine’s philosophy of choosing a mate. He had several dating relationships that could have culminated in marriage. I asked why he never pulled the trigger and proposed. He said, “Because none of these women were going to be successful.” When I probed him about this he acknowledged this characteristic was high on his list for a spouse. In and of itself, desiring that your future spouse has income potential isn’t a bad thing. But feminists are leading the way in showing us that when men fail to maximize their earning capacity because of their wives income, their wives become resentful. The greater the financial burden a wife feels, the greater the potential for bitterness.These feelings occur in part because working women are still doing most of the household chores. When husbands don’t take their responsibilities seriously, many wives feel that they are bearing a double burden.
An old friend married his wife after a whirlwind engagement. They just celebrated twelve years of marriage. To say my friend is a free-spirit is an understatement. He has had twenty-five jobs in the twenty years that I have known him. That tendency was partly what attracted Kristy to him. He was always up for something new, and their marriage had a sense of adventure. But his chronic job hunt has worn on Kristy. In recent days, she told him she had lost almost all respect for him because he isn’t taking the role of being a provider seriously. She is tired of bringing home “most of the bacon.” and longs for her husband to step up and stop living beneath his income potential.
As I have talked to hundreds of couples over the years, I have noticed resentment from wives in this area. It’s not just slacker husbands like this friend. Sometimes wives are frustrated with husbands who are stuck in middle management or are too comfortable with their companies. Wives love it when their husbands maximize their potential with regard to employment. It is more than a money issue. If a wife believes that her husband will lean into his role as provider, she is fueled to trust him with her (financial) future.
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