#36 IN MY SERIES OF POSTINGS DEDICATED TO SUMMARIZING A WONDERFUL BOOK ENTITLED “THE DUDE’S GUIDE TO MARRIAGE: TEN SKILLS EVERY HUSBAND MUST DEVELOP TO LOVE HIS WIFE WELL” BY DARRIN & AMIE PATRICK.
Why Husbands Don’t Serve Their Wives
Maybe your dad wasn’t Archie Bunker, but he probably didn’t provide a good example of how to serve one’s wife. Serving our wives even if we did have a good model is tough. Why is this?
Being Ignorant Of How Your Wife Prefers To Be Served
Years ago when Amie and I were newly married, we attended a marriage seminar that discussed Gary Chapman’s ideas regarding love languages. Over twelve years of counseling couples, he worked to discover what each spouse desired in order to be loved. It became clear that what makes one person feel loved does not necessarily make another person feel loved. After viewing his extensive notes, he found that the responses give to the questions generally fell into five categories:
- Words of affirmation = vocal encouragment
- Quality time = giving the other person your undivided attention
- Giving gifts = giving thoughtfully chosen gifts on a regular basis
- Acts of service = actions speak louder than words
- Physical touch = nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch
When you are tired, you want to be served then left alone. For several years I had chronic fatigue. The only way to describe being under the spell of this disease is that I felt like a zombie. I woke up from a good night’s sleep and felt like I hadn’t slept at all. I had to drink multiple cups of coffee in the afternoon just to make it through the day. I would have a few good days and usually good parts of every day. But when fatigue hit, I was done.
Justifying a lack of serving with being tired is easy. Husbands, you may not have chronic fatigue, but if you are working and providing for your family physically, emotionally, and spiritually, you are tired. For years, I chose to spend my limited energy and focus it on my job. That meant my wife and kids got the short end of the service stick. Yes, my energy was limited. But if I’m honest, I could have chosen to short other areas of my life instead.
I’ll continue this discussion on Serving in my next article. CLICK HERE to be taken to the next article in this series.
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