Teenage Isolation
Isolation is a coping mechanism formed to separate an individual from what is hurting them. When teenagers are struggling with depression and anxiety, they can begin isolating themselves from those who love them. While teenage isolation may appear to be an easy route to alleviate pain within a hurting individual, the truth is it traps us in a cycle of unrelenting hurt and shame.
Why is isolation so appealing?
In John 8:44, Jesus calls Satan “the father of lies.” Satan’s goal in life is to separate us from our loving Heavenly Father. Isolation becomes appealing to teens when Satan has convinced them they are unworthy of the unconditional love of God. Since our hope of growth comes from God, these teens feel it’s best to separate themselves from God and others for fear of hurting them further. Once here, Satan can continue to feed lies that echo in their mind, unrefuted.
Teens with the Melancholy temperament are especially susceptible to isolation. Their minds process information internally, and their fear of rejection creates a disdain for sharing their feelings with others. These teens will avoid talking to someone unless they feel there is no other option. At this time, it’s important for them to have access to an adult who will openly listen to them with grace and love. Unfortunately, many adults respond in disgust or shame towards these individuals who open up. There’s a general assumption among some Christian circles that if an individual is struggling with negative thoughts it is because they are not in right standing with God. This misunderstanding of scripture actually pushes individuals further from Christ.
If teens are to stop isolating, adults need to lead in love
John 13:34-35 NIV says, ”“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”“
Jesus informs His disciples that they will be known by their love for one another. Teens who are struggling with isolation need to see how you openly love others. It is not enough to just speak God’s love over others, but we must live it. This means being “quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry” when creating a safe space for teens (James 1:19 NIV).
Safe Space Checklist
As an adult creating a safe space, you set the atmosphere.
- Lead with vulnerability and honesty throughout your conversations.
- Keep your tone of voice encouraging and not condescending.
- Listen to all of the teen’s concerns. Odds are, there’s hurt mixed into the situation that needs to be addressed.
- Engage their questions, and help them seek answers you don’t know.
- Keep your feelings in check. You may disagree with some of what the teen is sharing, but it is important for you to not respond emotionally.
Once a safe space is established, consistency is key
Teens will not immediately leave their isolation. Opening up is a process that happens over an extended amount of time. Having consistent adults who continue investing into these teens will help them feel confident to come out of their shell. When encouraging them to interact with their peers, it’s important to help them set realistic expectations. While there can be good, supportive adolescents, most of them are still maturing and finding their own identities. Teens often do not know how to create safe spaces for each other. An adolescent who is stepping out of isolation needs to understand their peers are going to be imperfect and mistakes need to be anticipated. This anticipation is not to discourage reaching out, but to create room for grace when the friend ultimately falls short.
God’s grace IS sufficient for them!
As these teens grow in their identity in Christ, fear will no longer hold them back from others. God’s love will redeem their confidence in their friendships!
Contact Us Today
Kayla Wright is a frequent guest author on this blog. She joined the counseling team at Life Training Christian Counseling in Louisville, Kentucky in May of 2023. The passion of her counseling work is to make a meaningful difference in the lives of Teens and pre-teens.
Kayla Wright, as well as each of our other counselors, offers convenient sessions at Life Training Christian Counseling in Louisville, Kentucky. She also offers online counseling via Zoom or FaceTime. Please click on this link to learn much more about how our Counseling for teens and pre-teens in Louisville, Kentucky can help the child you love find the highly-effective, Christ-centered help they need. Contact us today at 502-717-5433, or by email at kayla@lifetrainingcounseling.org