The Language That Says “You’re Admired”

How Do I Identify This Person?

In our counseling office, we see many types of individuals who are broken and burdened. Part of being a Christian counselor is being able to identify an individuals needs, strengths, and weaknesses, and speaking life into them.

Common Needs

Need To Belong	Need To Be Powerful	Need To Be Known
Needs control; needs social interaction for the purpose of motivating others toward their goals; needs to be followed by others; needs to make decisions based on facts; needs achievement and accomplishment; needs constant recognition for their achievements and accomplishments; needs a great amount of control over their environment; needs mastery over pertinent information and content; needs accuracy, efficiency, and perfection; needs time away from people and socialization	Needs control; need achievement and accomplishment; needs constant recognition for their achievements and accomplishments; needs to have tasks performed correctly, efficiently, and to their expectation; needs to be followed by others; needs a great amount of control over people’s lives and behaviors; needs to associate with people who need them or are weaker than them; needs time away from people and interaction	Needs control; needs to receive love and affection on their terms; needs to be followed, trusted, and respected; needs to be with people who are supportive of and believe in them; needs time away from people who aren’t supportive

Common Strengths

Need To Belong	Need To Be Powerful	Need To Be Known
Is confident; outgoing; tough-minded; perfectionistic; good mind for envisioning new projects; extrovert of highly selective nature; highly personable and charming, open, and friendly, but doesn’t really like people; able to inspire great numbers of people; socially very optimistic and well- liked; draws others into their charm; appears relational but is actually task oriented; high intellectual abilities; fast paced; undertakes projects quickly and efficiently; very good at envisioning new projects and goals	Is very organized and disciplined; leads by influence; tough-willed; excellent leadership abilities; efficient, well-disciplined, and military-like in carrying out responsibilities; capable of making quality decisions based on facts rather than feelings; makes quick, intuitive decisions; capable of taking on great responsibilities that might overwhelm others; has will- power to carry things through to completion; prefers to lead people who support their plans and goals; attracts weaker or needy people	Is bright; open; optimistic; outgoing; expresses a great deal of love and affection; approaches only select people for deep relationships; affectionate; appears to want deep relationships, but in reality, does not; turns away when approached by others for affection; must be shown love and affection according to their terms; very few emotions and feelings; cautious in expressing the emotions they do have

Common Weaknesses

Need To Belong	Need To Be Powerful	Need To Be Known
People user; walks over people; uses social connections as a means of reaching their goals; can appear arrogant; cruel, abusive temper; uses intellect as a weapon; ignore pitfalls in their plans and goals; questions other people’s means and methods; always know the “best” way; angry if accomplishments aren’t recognized	Capable of undertaking any behavior necessary in order to control outcomes; end justifies the means; tolerates almost no interference from others; seldom trusts others with projects; believes no one can do it as well as them; often experiences burnout; angry if accomplishments aren’t recognized; accepts no input or control from others; leads by domination; puts down and discourages others; loses respect for and holds in contempt those they perceive as weak; treats weak people cruelly; avoids people they cannot control	Pushes away deep relationships if not on their terms; indirect behavior; rejects people; rejects the love and affection of people; angry and cruel to those who resist their manipulation for love and affection; extremely self- centered; disregards the emotional needs and wants of others; considers compassion, tenderness, and warmth as weak and undesirable;

Common Responses To Unmet Needs

Need To Belong	Need To Be Powerful	Need To Be Known
Dominates surroundings; proves others to be wrong or inferior;	Causes physical harm or destruction; dominates tasks and people; creates hierarchy with them at the top; crushes anyone who goes against them	Selfish and hurtful; emotionally, verbally, physically, or sexually abusive