The Language That Says “You’re Enough”
How Do I Identify This Person
In our counseling office, we see many types of individuals who are broken and burdened. Part of being a Christian counselor is being able to identify an individuals needs, strengths, and weaknesses, and speaking life into them.
Common Needs
| Need To Belong | Need To Be Powerful | Need To Be Known |
|---|---|---|
| Needs to appear competent and in control; needs to be respected; needs quiet time alone to regenerate; needs limited interaction with people; needs to not be controlled or manipulated; needs freedom from required socialization; needs freedom to think creatively; needs to function in an orderly, stable environment; needs to fulfill their desire for knowledge; needs financial and economic security. | Needs to appear competent and in control; needs to be respected; needs quiet time alone to regenerate; needs freedom to be creative; needs to not be controlled or manipulated; needs truth, order, reliability, and dependability from others, or they will feel they have been lied to; needs freedom to create and work independently; needs to work with tasks and systems; needs to be respected by other people, especially for their abilities. | Needs to appear competent and in control; needs to be respected, needs to be accepted and approved of for who they are; needs to not be controlled or manipulated; needs truth, order, reliability, and dependability from others, or they will feel they have been lied to; needs to be free from romantic demands; needs a relationship built on authenticity more than on emotion. |
Common Strengths
| Need To Belong | Need To Be Powerful | Need To Be Known |
|---|---|---|
| Is extremely creative and artistic; highly productive; genius- prone; constantly seeking information; seeks excellence; persistent; self- sacrificing; friendly and personable; aware of how much they are loved by the people closest to them; moderately outgoing; see both the steps and pitfalls of a situation; visionary; loner; relationally cautious; homebody; strong- minded; methodical; perfectionistic; relentless thinker; vivid, detailed mind | Is capable of wonderful things; makes very good decisions; highly responsible within areas of competence; highly productive; seeks excellence; adheres to rules; exerts very little control over the lives of others; relentlessly motivated; sees both the steps and pitfalls of a situation; visionary; strong- willed; task oriented; works at slow, steady pace; very good leadership capabilities, especially when on their terms; highly independent; tolerate very little interference in their life; interferes very little with other people’s lives | Is very faithful and loyal friend or partner; self-sacrificing for deep relationships; deep, tender feelings, but rarely reveals them; can easily empathize with others; able to make very deep commitments; shows very little emotional affection; needs very little affection shown to them; approaches very few people for deep relationships; deep personal relationships they do establish are very few; low self-esteem; feels unworthy of love; distrustful and suspicious; easily hurt |
Common Weaknesses
| Need To Belong | Need To Be Powerful | Need To Be Known |
|---|---|---|
| Focuses on their imperfections; searches environment for messages to confirm their low self-esteem; sets unrealistic standards for themselves; fears rejection; has self- doubts; has mind that won’t shut off; fears being wrong; pre- rejects others; projects façade of being competent and in control; seldom tells others their intentions; dwells on past hurts and failures; is easily insulted and hurt; can’t admit when wrong or incorrect, making a mistake, being discovered to be inadequate, or making a fool of themselves; keeps emotional score card; throws past rejection back at others; justifies their anger; is hyper-sensitive; holds grudges; takes vengeance; unhealthy fantasies; angry; alcoholism; depression; stress; fear; drug addiction; sexual addiction; insomnia; suicide. | Focuses on their imperfections; searches environment for messages to confirm their low self-esteem; pre-rejects others; projects façade of being competent and in control; seldom tells others their intentions; dwells on past criticism and rejection; sensitive to criticism or correction; can’t admit when wrong or incorrect, making a mistake, being discovered to be inadequate, or being seen as incompetent; procrastinates; rebellion; difficulty submitting to authority; projects façade of competence to hide real or imagined inadequacies; only submits to authority perceived as more competent; fears being wrong; rigid; inflexible; fears failure; fears the unknown; rebellious; angry; stress; | Focuses on their imperfections; searches environment for messages to confirm they are unlovable; vengeful if hurt or betrayed by a deep personal relationship; emotionally unavailable; unable to be emotionally vulnerable; demands to receive more love than they give; lonely; self-destructive; dissect the past; critical of others; angry; cruel; emotional; low self-image; hyper- sensitive to rejection; devastated by the loss of one of their few deep relationships; grieving seems to have no end; sexually oriented but not romantically inclined |
Common Responses To Unmet Needs
| Need To Belong | Need To Be Powerful | Need To Be Known |
|---|---|---|
| Dark thinking; depression; drug use, abuse, and addiction; truancy; self-harm | Perfectionism; rebelliousness; altercations with others; quitting; retaliation; vengeance | Criticism of others; becomes idealistic and controlling |