Ways Husbands Shame Their Wives
My last couple blog posts addressed why men can’t admit they’re wrong (or must be right). Now I want to shift to a look at ways husbands shame their wives. In my having counseled hundreds upon hundreds of couples in our counseling practice – Life Training Christian Counseling in Louisville, Kentucky – I’ve found these behaviors to be far more common than you might every think.
Anger
It’s really common that men become angry when confronted, disagreed with, or told that they’re wrong. One way many men respond to this is through anger. This sends a very strong, clear message to their wives to never go there again. Don’t question me. Don’t embarrass me. Don’t threaten my competence. If you do, you’ll experience my anger. I hear story after story of how men in this mindset have run their fist through a wall, stormed out of the house slamming doors and cursing, even physically taking their anger out on their wife.
Jealousy
Men who are cut from the cloth that can’t not make a mistake, and will shame their wife in response, tend to be very jealous. They sometimes will accuse their wives of talking to , or texting, or even having an affair with another man. This speaks to the man’s insecurity in relation to the fear of losing his wife. All the while he has been treating her poorly and shaming her with his words. My personal and professional opinion as to why some men do this is that when they accuse their wife, this forces the wife to have to defend herself and explain why he is the only man she’ll ever want and that he is awesome. That’s exactly what he wanted to hear. He just used the jealousy as a strategy to set her up to strongly show her allegiance to him.
Stifling their words
When many of these characteristics come together, a woman begins to feel like she’s “walking on egg shells.” So she becomes fearful to say anything out of fear of how her husband might respond or react. Bo compound that, the husband often invalidates what she tries to say or communicate, basically conveying to her, “if your thoughts, or feelings, or opinions don’t agree with mine, you’re wrong!” If questioned, he reinforces this narcistic behavior with his anger and criticism, and verbal threats.
Criticism
Angry, controlling husbands inherently function from a place of insecurity inside them. When they are feeling low or self-condemning, their go-to is often to criticize others – especially their wife – to make it clear that he or his snarky attitude aren’t the issue. Rather, whatever he’s chosen to criticize in his wife is the reason for his anger, reaction, or rage.
With all this said, I hope that these descriptions bring validation to a wife that may be reading this post. And hopefull my words may bring awareness and convicition to any man who can honestly see who he is and how treats his wife.
Contact Us Today
We all need someone to listen to us, to validate what we’re thinking and feeling, and to offer us perspectives that align with God and His word. Our counselors will help you find freedom from the struggles in your life and relationships. Please click on this link to learn much more about how Life Training Christian Counseling in Louisville, Kentucky can help you find freedom from whatever you may be struggling with.
We offer convenient sessions at our office in Louisville, Kentucky, as well as online counseling via Zoom or FaceTime. Contact us today at 502-717-5433, or by email at drdave@lifetrainingcounseling.org