Many Men Struggle To Admit They’re Wrong
Continuing on the theme of subtle ways husbands abuse their wives, the next one on my Top 10 most frequent List is that many men struggle to admit they’re wrong. This can occur even when everything may be pointing to the fact they they may actually be wrong.
Why is this so common with men? My professional opinion points to at least three primary reasons:
Can’t not appear competent and under control
Simply put, competence means that he measure up to the standards and expectations governing each situation. Competent as a man, a father, a provider, a Christian, just to name a few. A man who can’t not appear competent believes (albeit unconsciously) that there is a standard of perfection that he is expected to measure up to, and will be “judged” relative to that standard. This makes it virtually impossible for this man to be shown as having any imperfections. Imperfection (the inability to portray perfection) becomes a threat. And anyonw who shines a light on their imperfection – large or small – immediately becomes their opponent that he needs to protect himself from.
As a child, he never felt was enough for his father
More times than not, a man who is compelled to never be wrong was raised in an environment just the opposite — he felt like he was “never enough” or “weak” in childhood — especially in his father’s eyes. We all have emotional pains of one type or another that we’ve carried from childhood to adulthood. In this case, the man has carried a false belief that goes something like this: “If I admit that I”m wrong or that I did something wrong, I’ll feel rejected, unworthy of love, and that I deserve to be punished.” The only way to never have to face that false belief is to never be wrong. Unfortunately men with this tendency are rarely open to evaluating their beliefs in light of what God and the Bible have to say about them.
Sees women as submissive or inferior
For many years I’ve taught a concept I’ve referred to as the “Equal and Opposite Principle.” This principle (borrowed from science and Newton’s Third Law of Physics) purports that in response to the shame messages we absorbed through childhood, an individual will create an idealistic image in their mind (fantasy) of elements of life that are the complete opposite of their childhood. In regards to the husband (man) who struggles to admit that he is wrong, he may see women in a submissive role for two primary reasons: 1) He may have witnessed his father demeaning his mother on a regular basis, therefore coming to believe that’s how marriage is supposed to be, or 2) He may have internalized anger and resentment from having a mother who was dominant, insensitive, or controlling over the males in the family, especially the father. Whichever the case (or anywhere in between), this man has vowed to himself – even unconsciously – that he will never be treated that way again. He will not be questioned or controlled or made to feel (look) powerless.
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