At this point in our journey, you’re most likely beginning to make significant connections between the experiences of your childhood and the intra- or inter-personal battles of your adult life. To clearly and uniquely consider the solutions we’ll be discussing in detail later in this book, there is one last foundational block that must be […]
In light of the foreboding cultural climate of the early 20th century that we’ve explored, we can’t help but consider factors that may have contributed to the nature of the world we live in today. Natural characteristics such as creativity and vision were subdued by forced compliance. Respect turned into fear. Work ethic became drivenness. […]
A landmark article by the US Department of Veterans Affairs National Center for PTSD explains how the emotional trauma World War II imposed on American men profoundly changed how they functioned as men, husbands, fathers, and citizens. “PTSD can make somebody hard to be with. Living with someone who is easily startled, has nightmares, and […]
As far back as the Mayflower Pilgrims landing on Plymouth Rock in 1620, woven into America’s DNA has been the cultural norm of utilizing shaming as a means of discipline, particularly in the disciple of children. A methodology we in the 21st century have come to perceive as detrimental is what our predecessors considered to […]
Shame that is a product of our acting out is somewhat different than shame that was the precursor to our acting out, although both weeds share the same roots. And shame is often at the core of our struggles with anxiety, depression, and relational issues. As we looked at in detail already, precursor shame leads […]
Common sense might say that if we just do the opposite of the shaming we witnessed in childhood it will produce a healthy life, marriage, children, and family. The flaw in this reasoning is that, without of a person’s heart being regenerated through Christ, the opposite of shame-based is not self-worth, but rather pretentiousness (covering […]
Early in my counseling career I had the opportunity to work with a young woman in her late 20’s. She sought counseling due to feelings of depression, low self-esteem, and the belief that she was inadequate as a woman, wife, and mother. She felt like giving up on all of it. In discovering more about […]
Shame is internalized more than it is learned. It evolves from a chronically unmet need, into a false belief, into an altered self-image. This will develop in uniquely different ways in the lives of individuals who have been exposed to the very same environment. For some, it may create internalized shame that is acted out […]
Allow me to share one of the most meaningful quotes I’ve ever heard: “We teach what we know, but we reproduce who we are.” I teach this principle in my counseling practice nearly every day. I’ve tried to engrain it into my adult children ever since the day I first heard it. I strive to […]
Having a successful and strong marriage these days isn’t easy to achieve. There’s a reason why so many couples divorce. However, through our experience working with a lot of couples who are struggling with their marriages, we’ve identified seven key elements that help build the strong foundation needed to help this important relationship to thrive. […]